Dont kids just know how to put you on a guilt trip...............................

[stoppinattwo]

you are soooo responsible for them
You bring them into the world
you mould the person they become
you set their boundaries
they follow your example
thye have the ability to make you feel like the biggest shoite on the earth

I love my kids sooooo much, I just wish that i could credit them with my experiences, and they wouldnt think that i was such a kill joy because i stop them doing certain things or because i send them to bed (at bed time). As a parent you have all the knowledge but you have to let your kids go through all the stages you went through yourself. God its so hard to watch. To stand back and let your child experience all the things you went through.

sorry to waffle on I dont know if im making myself clear, what im trying to say. Just feel a bit sad about it thats all

A mother's place is in the Wrong!

If you're doing what you think is right, don't feel guilty. If in retrospect what you've been doing doesn't seem quite right then change it. Have the courage of your convictions and be prepared to change if necessary without beating yourself up about it.

It also helps to keep the channels of communication open. Children need boundaries but they also need to feel they are being listened to.

That help at all?

Yeah i know most of the time what i am saying is fair and right, but hten sometimes i do pull rank and things happen because they do!! iykwim.

I do try and explain why i make decisions but im only human, and i find myself sounding like my mother sometimes, and i remeber howmuch i would be angry at her, and hate her for spoiling our fun, I hope my kids never feel that way about me. Last night DD said i dont care about all the things your money can buy us mummy, I just want you here when i wake up tomorrow. ( i have to leave to go to work before they wake up, it means i can get home earlier and spend more time with them.)it jus feels like a thankless task sometimes and i am the bad guy

Perhaps I'm not the best person to share the going to work guilt with, because I'm a SAHM (mostly!). However, I could beat myself up about not sending the children to private schools, and letting dh shoulder most of the financial burden, getting off the career ladder etc. It's swings and roundabouts. Children may say they don't care about the money, but they might care about being evicted/repossessed, not having a car, not having/going to birthday parties etc. They must notice that other children have working mothers.

Hi, stoppinattwo. God! wish you were local. I'm like a public service! Pop in anytime to see how much better you're doing than me.... Er.. no haven't vacced the carpets for.... I feel much the same and wasted a lot of my youth being angry with how my parents were doing things just to find I was them minus the patience! And I try to stop the fiends making mistakes too - the tantrums are like NOTHING else. Got to try though!

Dear SAT your post has made me think of a wonderfully funny/poignant book I read recently by a fab writer called Anne Enright from her book "Making Babies".

This extract is called "Unforgiven"

These are things for which children(eventually) forgive their fathers:

Going out
Coming home late
Smelling of drink
Reading the newspaper
Watching the television
Looking at people on the tv with a vague sexual interest
Not being bothered,much
Having other important things to do.

These are the things for which children never,ever,ever forgive their mothers

Going out
Coming home late
Smelling of drink
Reading the newspaper
Watching the television
Looking at people on tv with a vague sexual interest
Not being bothered,much
Having other important things to do.

If you are having a bad day I would heartily endorse this book as a pick me up.It is easy to dip in and out of and always makes me chuckle.Especially a day like today where I feel I have been a Very Bad Mother indeed,on a very short illness and PMT induced fuse.

Hugs,Wrinkly.

God this is soo true I can see this in my future my kids are only 3 and 1 atm but God if they plan on doing what I did in my teens god help them!

Stopin, cheer up. You're doing the best you can, as are all the working and non-working mums. I do know what you mean, you are making yourself clear, as I think we've all been in this situation. You can make all the sacrifices you think are best for your kids, but they come with a PhD in Psychology.

I think i have taught my kids to debate too well, and they are so honest about how they feel. DD in particular. Being a parent is so tough. You have the knowledge of child hood, you dont want to do the things your parents did (that you thought were wrong at the time)as well as feeling guilty about my kids i then become guilty for giving my parents a bad time . Isnt being a parent just the biggest roller coaster?

From the highs to the lows in a moment. From being proud to feeling totally guilty. Im not depressed about it, I knwo when i am objective that i do the best i can, I just dont want my kids to mis understand me.

Thanks for all your lovely words, hi ledodgy, did you find your phone??

No i didn't find my phone and I still havent sorted the insurance out or got a crime reference no. with jack being ill etc so im probably buggered aren't I?

Oh SAT,mine are only 3 and 1 and today I really have felt like a crap mum as I yelled at the elder one as he just was not listening and I was on a real short fuse .

We all have good and bad days and I am sure it becomes much harder as they get older and can express their ideas and opinions so much more eloquently.It IS the hardest job in the world and I question myself and analyse my relationship with my own parents continuously.

Nobody is a perfect parent (it is an impossibility,)but the fact that you are on here mulling this over indicates you are a very caring and loving parent,what more could a child ask for really.There are plenty of neglected,unloved kids out there.We all have bad days,please do not beat yourself up

oh dodgy. im gonna buy you onee of those things that you loop into your phone and wear aroun your neck rather like larry grayson with his glasses !!! lol

thanks wrinklytum (cool name btw )

I think I feel so responsible for what my children will turn into. DS can be very emotional, very competitive, very clever, big debator and finds it very unfair when he expects me to make a snap decision and its the wrong one (even when i think about it is unfair - but ive then had time to think) i say let me think about it and he is very impatient.

DD is a shouter and an arguer, i swear next door must think im killin her sometimes!! but she is so loving and caring and sweet, too. Nowhere near as sharp as DS but miles ahead in the thoughtful (aware of others feelings)way. but she wil snap in a second and really go ballistic!!

I have made these kids the way they are, I can see myself in them, I can see my bad qualities, my impatience and my intolerance in them and sometimes my anger. I wish i knew when they were little what i know now I would have done somethings a little different. I never regret having my kids thay make me complete I just wisjh someone had given me a bit of a game plan iyswim