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Mental health

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Original poster

Best ways to encourage DP to take AD's

13 replies

fallenempires · 07/12/2016 12:52

That's it really.He has been suffering for far too long.He is on the waiting list to receive counselling but is reluctant to take AD's as he works shifts(emergency services)
It finally took its'toll on him over the past few months and he started to have panic attacks.Last week he moved out as he felt that he could no longer cope.

OP posts:

AnxiousCarer · 07/12/2016 19:52

Some ADs can make you drowsy and are best taken before bed, but others have less effect an can be taken any time of day so shouldn't interfere with shift work too much. He needs to discuss this with the GP. Also discuss with him are ADs likely to be better or worse than the pannic attacks.

Original poster

fallenempires · 07/12/2016 23:52

Thank you for posting.I just feel so helpless tbh as he maintains that he will do it in his own time,but depression as I know too well from my own experience of having the illness prevents you from dealing with things and allowing them to slide.It's burying head in sand syndrome...

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Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 08/12/2016 06:23

Bloody men!! Why are so many of us so stupid I will never know!

He will do it in his own time........ my arse... He is in a very bad way and not going to get better without outside help.

Would you like for me to talk to him? It may be easier to listen to another man. I used to think I was bulet proof.. that was until I totally broke and spent three months in a dressing gown. Set him up an account on here and we can chat via PM...Of course the is small matter of broaching the subject in the first place.

Original poster

fallenempires · 08/12/2016 10:30

Thank you for a male pov that's really helpful
What made you finally get treatment?
I think he just reached breaking point tbh I could kick myself for not recognising the early signs but I was caught in the grips of my own illness & I guess was trying to hold it together for the sake of the family.
I offered to make an appointment for him but he asked me to stop interfering!
It's all so frustrating iyswim but I'm not prepared to give up on him we might not be married but we have the best relationship and he agrees with this.
I keep reminding myself and have told him 'in sickness and in health'.
As for him joining MN you have no chance there but thanks for the offer to DM him.

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Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 08/12/2016 15:51

Look for "five tins of sardines and two bottles of whiskey.."

I had ben going downhill for a while and my wife was aware but at the time I couldn't see it in myself.. Do you think he would talk?If so how do we arrange it?

LittlePurplePig · 08/12/2016 16:14

fallenempires, I was on your other thread.... honestly, I don't think you can or even should try to persuade someone to take a step they're not ready for. At the end of the day we're all responsible for our own mental health and wellbeing, and honestly given what you've posted about your situation before it sounds maybe like you should be worrying about yourself before you worry about your partner, you can't make him better, all you can do is be there to support him as he finds his own way. Whether he takes medication or not is between him and his doctor.

It sucks to feel a bit helpless in this situation but that's why you have to look after yourself first, I think. I'm really sorry that you're both going through things.

Original poster

fallenempires · 08/12/2016 17:14

Thank you both so much it's so helpful to hear from those who have dealt with this hideous illness.
Itis what did your wife do or say that really made you seek the help that you needed?
LittlePurplePig I understand where you are coming from completely.I am medicated so I am strong enough to deal with this, if I hadn't been I think I would have been destroyed.
When we first met over 7 1/2 years ago I was on prozac after a series of life changing events,with his love and support I was able to wean myself off them and life was great and worth living again instead of just plodding on.
We are devoted to each other & for this reason I will stick by him just if I would if god forbid he had a terminal illness or became paralysed.He is my partner and best friend.

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megletthesecond · 08/12/2016 17:21

As rubbish as it is I dont think you can. It's hard if he does shifts, the AD's may make him groggy and drowsy for some time. I can't take them because I'm a working lp and can't afford the time off while my system gets used to them and risk my job. My gp thought I'd feel less sleepy in 3 or 4 weeks but it's not possible for life to go on hold for that time.

It's good if he's on the list for counselling though. I hope you both find a way through it .

Original poster

fallenempires · 08/12/2016 17:32

meglet in an ideal world he would be signed off work for up to six weeks but the police take a dim view of sickness especially depression.He can't even take annual leave to at least get through the first 10-14 days.
How have you managed to cope with your illness?

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megletthesecond · 08/12/2016 17:37

Exercise takes the edge off. I can't do it enough though because I'm a lp and the dc's are too young to be left just yet.

It's very hard tbh. I've accepted that I'll feel like this for many more years, unless I knew my job wouldn't be at risk with time off.

Sorry to hear the police still haven't joined the 21st century and have a better attitude towards MH. Not surprised though .

Original poster

fallenempires · 08/12/2016 17:52

Exercise would be good,he really enjoys swimming but is just so wiped out and after working 6 shifts which seem to be getting longer & longer(lack of staff due to redundancies) he just wants to catch up on rest on days off.
That must be such a struggle for you with your situation.I've been there as I was a LP after my divorce.I really don't know how I pulled it off tbh,but I did & it sounds like you're doing the same thing.We're Mum and just do it don't we?
If it's any consolation it does get easier once they get older as they can be trusted to take more responsibility around the house which lessens the load for you.

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MeadowHay · 08/12/2016 18:03

I think lots of people who go on ADs would need to take time off work for the first week or two, maybe even longer. I'm on my second AD and both times I've needed about a fortnight off as the initial side effects always make me so ill. So I can see where he's coming from but really health always needs to come first I think. It's no good running yourself into the ground and refusing treatment because you will probably get worse, and when you get that ill you will no longer be able to work anyway, and it will be much harder and take much longer to recover. Sorry to be so blunt but that is how I see it. Surely his health is so precious that he can take the time off on sick leave and suck up what his employers think? He is entitled to the sick leave after all. In the long run I think it would be worth it but I'm young and probs naive, I appreciate that.

It's a good thing he's waiting for counselling, could you afford private treatment by any chance in the meantime to speed it up? I used to get private counselling from a place that had a low-cost service because I was unable to access therapy through the NHS (long story). DH and I were both full-time students so I only had to pay £20 for a 50 minute session each week. If you could spare that kind of money definitely look around for what might be available in your area but I appreciate not everyone can even afford that. We scraped it together and it was worth it, massively improved my quality of life.

Original poster

fallenempires · 08/12/2016 22:17

MeadowHay thank you ,you maybe young but naive you're not!Those are sensible words from someone who's been there and lived through it and I very much appreciate it.
I will put that to him as it sounds like common sense which he is a big believer in.However,sadly he isn't in the position to take sick leave despite being sick.He's a man in his early 40's who has had many years in the job & is very experienced in his field but the huge problem is that senior officers change & not all senior officers have compassion or lives of their own outside the job.This current one is hellbent on scaling the ladders & thinks that it makes her look good to discipline others.Leave,family time & depression/stress are sneered at by her.
I'm not sure about the NHS waiting time for him as he remained with his GP despite living with us(family doc & all that) so in a different HA.Private could work but sadly he can't always commit to appointments as due to the nature of his work he could be called in even apparently off duty.

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