Struggling. Bipolar

[PeteSwotatoes]

Am in that lovely mental space where I can't decide if I'm stressed by real events, or if I've stumbled into a bipolar episode.

My grandad had a stroke the other week, my dad had pneumonia and my brother's girlfriend was signed off with depression. That trifecta made me edgy/anxious but I was OK.

I am in a new city, studying medicine, but it's going OK and I got 80% on my first exam.

I've been having nightmares that I can't remember the next day, but I have been trying to scream in my sleep. I know this because I wake up hoarse. The only sound that comes out is a kind of whine.

Most days I can't be bothered to shower or get up. I have missed 3 weeks of uni.

Everything seems like effort.

I drank a whole bottle of wine the other night (I don't normally drink) to see if it changed my mood.

I notice when I walk around I stare at the floor now and not the sky.

I thought a guy had a crush on me but now I'm not sure and I feel fundamentally ugly/fat/unloveable.

I have had thoughts of using my dissection kit to cut myself. And occasional thoughts that I'd be better off dead.

It is happening again isn't it?

Thanks Emerald :) mum is ringing me later today so we'll have a good chat. I'm home for Christmas soon so can relax and recharge for next semester. I hope all is well with you and your DD.

That's great, relax and enjoy yourself. Don't forget to reach out to people who care about you, their support can make a crucial difference to your well being.

DD doing really well now and I can see a big improvement. I am feeling a lot less worried because now I understand what she is going through. If, like you, she starts to feel unwell we know where to access help.