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Mental health

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Original poster

So desperately lonely

23 replies

Helloyou4 · 03/12/2016 18:04

I posted recently about living just for yourself. There's probably not much else that can be said that has been already, but I just feel so low tonight...

It's another Saturday night alone. Spent the afternoon with a friend which was nice, and she had to rush back for dinner with her husband. That's lovely of course!! I'm just jealous. I've never been jealous before. I hate the feeling.

I had a date tonight originally and I cancelled. I can't face dating when I feel so low.

I don't know why I'm posting really. My life is a waste and I wish I wasn't living it anymore.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helloyou4 · 03/12/2016 18:06

Sitting on Tesco car park and can't face going in. Don't even want to eat. I hate my life so much, I don't think I can cope anymore

OP posts:

Wishfulmakeupping · 03/12/2016 18:07

You're life is not a waste you will mean more to your friends and family than you think.
You need to be kind to yourself op- have you told any of your friends how you feel? X

Wishfulmakeupping · 03/12/2016 18:07

We're here talk to us- I went through a very dark patch talking on here helped x

Ladywithababy1 · 03/12/2016 18:08

Didn't want to read and run. You are loved and wanted around by your family and friends. Don't give up.

Original poster

Helloyou4 · 03/12/2016 18:10

No I am embarrassed about it. I have mentioned it to a close friend briefly but everyone thinks I have a great life and I have nothing to be sad about. I don't in terms of having a home and a decent career. But nobody gets that it doesn't replace loneliness. They all have family around them all the time with their husbands family too, and it's easy to forget how lonely it can be when you're single... and even more so when you're older and still single when your friends have families.

Nobody would miss me, I might be important to some people but I'm nobody's priority.

OP posts:

livefornaps · 03/12/2016 18:14

Solidarity from my couch!!!
No plans this evening - if I don't go looking for plans I don't get invited places.

Be kind to yourself.

It is better to have genuine friends than be stuck in a rubbish relationship and be stressed about that the entire time.

Tomorrow is another day.

eatingtomuch · 03/12/2016 18:35

It is hard when you are single and especially this time of year.
Have you thought about joining a group like this:-

www.spicebham.com/home?handshaked=true#.WEMQChrfXYU

eatingtomuch · 03/12/2016 18:35

They have others that might be more local.

winelover2 · 03/12/2016 18:36

I know exactly how you feel I am in the same place. Lost the person I love, nearly 38. Gave up on the dating. Just feel overwhelmed by it all. Everyone else has loved ones and families and most people just say it'll be ok. But sometimes it just doesn't feel that way. No advice, I'm just there too and it's a very very lonely place

Bagina · 03/12/2016 18:45

I'm sorry you're having such a shit time. I remember your posts about your abusive family and your horrible new job. It's just a bad patch. You sound nice and level-headed. I can't remember if you've been in counselling? Did you make any headway getting a new job?

I'd try and get away for a bit. Get some perspective. Also please go low contact with your family.

Original poster

Helloyou4 · 03/12/2016 18:47

I'm saddened to read some of these messages... and also comforted by the idea I'm not alone.

This time of year definitely makes it worse. I've always been ambitious and independent but when I look back my happiest times have been when I've been in a relationship and had that sense of companionship.

I also feel overwhelmed. I avoid any situation when I may possibly feel alone... even work events where people talk about their OH's all night!

How do you make your life feel worth it when there's nobody to share it with.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helloyou4 · 03/12/2016 18:50

Bagina, thanks for your post.

I have an interview coming up. It would be amazing if something was sorted job wise before Christmas but that's looking unlikely now.

I think it is a bad patch, you're right. I'm just struggling so much with the loneliness, I feel every day it wears me down more and more. The job is a huge factor too.

OP posts:

GinAndTeaForMe · 03/12/2016 18:52

Helloyou,

Please thinking about calling breathing space, or another kind of helpline.

I am worried for you.

There is help out there, and you deserve to feel happy.

I care about you. I sincerely hope you are going to be okay.

jeaux90 · 03/12/2016 18:55

I'm a single parent and no ones priority either. It gets to me too sometimes but I do talk to my friends and family about it sometimes and I am kind to myself. I swim and exercise and it's amazing the positive impact that has.

Sometimes the responsibility gets to me but equally I am so thankful for my freedom and independence.

Big hug, it's just a phase and you honestly will be stronger when it passes xxxx

demonchilde · 03/12/2016 19:00

It is horrible to feel lonely Helloyou4, but you are not alone. People care about and love you more than you realise.

I think you actually sound very depressed OP- do you think you could be? Feeling overwhelmed and pessimistic about the future are classic signs. When you say 'this time of the year' do you mean Christmas, or do the dark and short datys factor into it?

I know it's a cliche, but I do believe the hardest time to find a relationship is when you are desperately craving one.

Have you looked at this website before
www.meetup.com/. The ones in my area are very active, and such a good way of meeting all sorts of people.

That said, I can't help feeling you need to deal with your low mood first, otherwise you may be in a bit of vicious circle- no one ones to socilaise when they feel depressed, but then the loneliness that results can compound the depression.

But don't think no one cares- they do x

LovePotatoes · 03/12/2016 19:04

Hello. I just wanted to say that one day you will come out of the darkness and feel so much contentment. Please ensure that you have a good, healthy routine. Have you tried group exercise and maybe joining a running group perhaps. I found exercise really helped me when I was in a bad place...(horrible placement in training job and engagement broke off) x

MNHQ

LisaMumsnet · 03/12/2016 19:08

Hello Helloyou4, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way and having such a tough time of it.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Wishing you all the very best Helloyou4 - you have received some truly wonderful messages of support so you can see you really aren't alone.

Bagina · 03/12/2016 19:10

Good luck with the job. There's a lot of pressure generally at this time of year. I hated being on my own before I met dh in my 30s so I know how you feel. I hated living alone. I wanted to be good at it, but I really was shit company. I too was happier having someone around all the time.

You sound successful in your life so it will all happen eventually. Make sure you hold out for someone who's worthy of you. Definitely try and get out of your environment. Can you get away for Xmas? Just book somewhere and go??

Original poster

Helloyou4 · 03/12/2016 19:13

Gosh thank you for these lovely posts. I might be depressed, I don't know..

I meant this time of year being Christmas. I don't think I'm necessarily craving a relationship, so much as needing something to feel meaningful in my life. Wanting to move to a different company with work is also feeling quite overwhelming too.

I just can't shake the feeling that life is a huge struggle. Even doing some toast feels like needing energy I don't have.

My life just feels empty and worthless, and I can't see how it will change.

OP posts:

Bagina · 03/12/2016 19:18

It does sound like you're depressed, have a think if you'd want to see the gp. Also contact IAPT.

Just remember that when things do change, they normally change fast. I think you need to get Xmas out the way? Are you by any chance seeing your family for Xmas?? New job in the new year...

user1471453601 · 03/12/2016 19:37

One thing stuck out about your post to me. You said you were no one's priority.

Neither am I, I share a house with DD and her partner, very happily. I have family (DS, Bil, nephew and niece) and friends who also have friends and family.

The point is, I'm not a priority. That is, until I need to be. So recently I was going through a health scare, one of many I'm afraid.

Friends, family? They were mainly all there for me.

Not being "top of their list" all the time is ok. The top can only be occupied by one person.

It's what people do when you need support that counts.

And if you don't tell them you need support, they cannot support.

Good luck, I wish you well

demonchilde · 03/12/2016 19:43

This may be a silly suggestion Helloyou4 but do you like animals, and if so do you have any pets? If not, they can be a massive source of companionship.

I am in my early 40's and a single Mum, so not alone, but I still can get very lonely. I have suffered depression on and off for a number of years, but find my age, and early menopause have made the symptoms a lot worse, which is apparently very common. I recently bought an SAD lamp which helps, and exercise, even a 5 minute walk outside, helps too. But we have recently sort of inherited a kitten, and I've been amazed at how much having him around has improved my mood (very cliched at my age, I know)- he is a lovely source of companionship and a real comfort to have around at times (except when he bites my feet).

Do you think any of those could perhaps help? Or maybe see a GP and discuss your feelings with them? I really think your low mood and feeling overwhelmed is what you need to tackle first, then once you have done that you will have the strength to look at making some changes in your life so that you enjoy it more. Being depressed can make you feel very trapped and like you don't have the power to change things for the better, but you do.

pingothedingo · 06/12/2016 12:09

hi OP, I wrote a post saying very similar about a week back so another one joining you here, feeling alone and lost. I don't really have a lot to add as lots of wise people already posted, but just to say that I am with you battling each day, getting up and going through the motions. Well in fact today I'm having a rare sofa day as don't even have the motivation to get up and moving. I think it's ok to do that from time to time. Maybe you need to sit and feel your sadness for a day or two, and when you feel more rested, perhaps you can make some plans for the new year. I hope you feel better soon. It won't always be this way.

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