So exhausted by my mood swings

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I'm completely exhausted, my mood changes so rapidly, earlier I was in tears driving home, thinking I was in crisis and needing to go to the hospital, then 10 minutes later I was laughing with my kids as if I didn't have a care in the world. Every day is like this and I can't deal with it.

I'm on anti-Ds and have an appointment with a psychiatric nurse in 2 weeks. I'm going to be screened for a place on a STEPPS course for dealing with emotional intensity but have been told I won't get a diagnosis of EUPD because I haven't made multiple presentations to A&E. It's through sheer willpower that I haven't, I'm going through a hideous divorce right now and I'm terrified if my ex finds out about this he'll use it to take my kids from me.

But I'm exhausted, scared and feel so alone right now, I can't tell anyone in RL what I'm going through.

Please, anybody?

Hi didn't want to read and run and am actually in a weird situation in that I was just diagnosed with EUPD on Monday after one assessment and zero hospital admissions- doesn't sit right with me :(

How are you feeling now? X

Still exhausted. I've taken yesterday and today off work but I can't keep doing that. I'm so scared I'm going to mess up the kids/lose them. I think I saw your thread about being assessed but didn't want to hijack it.

Hijack away :) I've also got a chest infection after all, went to GP and am on antibiotics. So many changes this week to meds.
If you don't mind me asking- what area of the country are you? That's assuming you are in UK.
I find it crazy that I get referred, one appointment and then another with a diagnosis in under a month! And like I said I really don't seem to " tick the boxes "

It's a bloody postcode lottery op.
I'm in a really deprived borough in the north west and was expecting this to take ages. I just feel labelled now :(
Really hope you're feeling brighter, listen to your body and look after yourself X

I'm in Brighton, which you would think would have good mental health services. I had a call earlier from the MH team, they've moved my appointment up to next Tuesday which is good. I'm just stressing about work, the kids, my ex etc...I have a cold coming too which sucks. I hope your chest infection clears up, they're rotten.

Do you mind me asking, do you have periods where you do feel 'normal' (apologies for using that word, I hate it) or do you always feel caught up in a maelstrom of emotions? Or maybe that's not the best way to describe it, but that's how I feel...but not all the time?

Hi again gosh I would presume Brighton would have better MH services but hey ho that's proved you never can tell.
I'm just outside of Liverpool.

I actually said to the consultant on Monday " I don't know what " normal " feels like anymore "
So I totally get what you're saying. It's crap isn't it. How many dc do you have? I have 2. A boy aged 13 and a girl aged 5, my first worry was me thinking the kids are at risk due to this bloody label slapped on me!

I'm here if you want to talk, my sleeping patterns are let's say " erratic " and I love MN. It's the only place I can be " me " whatever that means

Yeah, I don't know if I'm more scared of getting a label or not getting one. I can't cope with how I'm feeling and I've got to. My boys are 6 and 4 so it's really full on. I love them to bits but it's such a struggle every day.

I've got my assessment tomorrow, I've started keeping a diary of my moods but now I'm questioning my motives for everything I'm doing...i.e. am I doing something because I genuinely feel one way or am I doing it to get a diagnosis?

I've realised that if I do get a diagnosis though it doesn't change who I am, it's just a way to access help.

Hi Gast. Sorry I NC because of divorce and similar worries about MH issues being used - and also because ex was reading when we had shared IT. I am also in Brighton and met you on another thread recently.

I had some really good help from the mental health services but for a very short time. No label etc. I expect it varies depending on who you see as well.

How did your assessment go?

Hi gast
I was reading your post and really relate to that feeling of questioning your motives. During my last admission to hospital I got so wrapped up in that questioning that I thought I was losing my mind.

I have a diagnosis of EUPD and haven't had multiple a and e visits so keep pushing for a diagnosis.

I've been referred to the STEPPES program which is basically for people with EUPD. The person I saw said that psychiatrists as veering away from diagnosing EUPD as it's basically an umbrella term for a cluster of symptoms. Sorry if I'm explaining it badly.

The STEPPES referral was what I was after, I'm not really fussed about a diagnosis because it doesn't change who I am as a person, I'm still me

Sounds like a good outcome for you then if that's what you were hoping for. Will you have to wait long?

When I originally had my telephone assessment they said it would probably be May next year but after meeting with them the practitioner said she will try and get me on a course sooner. She's going to continue seeing me in the meantime and has also e-mailed me through some links to look at online.

I saw a really nice mental health nurse from the team for a while. It really helped to have some contact.

I hope you don't wait too long.

I get what you say about the mood swings. I veered from avoiding the sea on bad days in case I threw myself in, to joining a political party on one of my good days. It's very unsettling.

I see a really good counsellor at the moment so managing a bit better.

I think the nhs approach is heavily CBT based which I've never been sure about. But i think different things work for different people.

Here's my latest problem, I've been referred onto the STEPPES program which is for people with EUPD but I've been told I probably won't get a formal diagnosis. So I'm unsure whether I can tell people I've got it or not.