What stops you?

[harderandharder2breathe]

I'm currently off work with depression so jumping through various hoops of assessments in addition to my very regular GP appointments. They obviously have to assess risk, so ask about suicidal feelings. I do think about it, every day, but have never done anything and don't think I ever would. But I'm not very good at articulating why when I'm asked (which I am, at every appointment or assessment). I generally say "because it wouldn't work". I feel like they're pushing me to say because friends and family would be upset type answer. But although the rational part of me knows that this is true, when I'm at my lowest, what stops me is knowing I'd only make myself ill and wouldn't actually die.

Is that normal? For those who also have these feelings, what stops you from acting on them?

I can't answer you question because I have not (yet?) felt suicidal. Except once (40 years ago) when a I was a teen and my girlfriend was dumping me. Somehow hanging onto life seemed more important. It was so long ago I don't think I can really help for which I apologise.

Having said that clearly you are in depression when you say you think you don't think any attempt would succeed. In this you are, quite correct. It is actually quite difficult to do. As happens, I know of a doctor who is on leave after an accident. His colleague thinks he will top himself and says as a doctor the poor chap knows how to do it and will succeed. One of the clasic symptoms of depression is feeling worthless and not able to get anything right. Can I say you do not need to have any sense of being useless If it takes the medical knowledge of a qualified doctor to know how to guarantee a suicide. Does that make sense?

Sorry you're feeling depressed.

I've been suffering for years and often think I've had enough, but it's more a thought that I'd like someone to lock me away and take away all my responsibilities, or that I run away to somewhere where no one knows me. The few times I contemplated suicide, I guess it was the thought of how sad my children would be that stopped me doing it.

when you are very depressed I have found that it takes all you energy just to manage yourself and doesn't really leave any to think about others feelings so I don't think this is unusual. When I was at my lowest I wanted to die, I would pray that I didn't wake up, but it never actually occurred to me that I could do anything about it myself, I think my motivation was too low to act on my feelings. As I started to feel better I became suicidal. At this point I wanted to get better, not to die, but couldn't see another way out, I remember the thought of not seeing my family again being hard rather than the thought of them being upset, but ultimately what stopped me was my flatmate being there for me, and taking my tablets off me and rationing them out in small ammounts to make it more effortful for me to do anything. I was also seeing a councellor at the time who was very helpful.

Glad that your GP is supporting you, and that it sounds like they are in the process of getting youvmore support.