Anyone with advice on manic depression/alcoholism I need your help..PLEASE!!!

[LynseyM]

Please please please help. my sister is very depressed and has been an alcoholic. She is back living with my parents but is there any support groups or anything that can help myfamily get through this. Doctors not much help....please help

My sister has been having problems with alcohol which she has been battling for over twenty years. She has also been subject to depression over this time too. I shall now ask my sister to speak.

Hi LynseyM. What my sister says above is true. Six weeks ago, and not for the first time, I was at the bottom of a very big, very black hole with no way forward and no future that I could see. Thankfully, after my having hit the pit early in January, my wonderful (and sadly very cross and stressy)sister decided to try and step in to help me one more time(she has tried and tried in the past). She frog-marched me to my GP came in with me and now, six weeks later, and although I still have a long way to go, things are improving. Instead of "self-medicating" my depression with alcohol, I have now been prescribed anti anxiety and anti depressent medication. The alcohol thing is beginning to sort itself out and is already much better. However, I can now accept that I shall always be treading a very thin line - this thought no longer frightens me and I know now that help can be had and it can work. I shall shortly hopefully embark on counselling but, this time, with a much clearer view of what I need to confront, understand and deal with. You may also be encouraged to know that, over the past 20 years, I too have visited umpty-ump GPs, AA, had counselling etc etc, - and I too thought "not much help".

My advice, for what its worth is that until she is ready to accept help (and do not expect her necessarily to "ask" by the way) and/or is ready to cooperate (either with you or a docter or whoever) you cannot help her. After all, I wasn't kidding when I said my sister frog-marched me to the GP - we had no appointment and she sat there with me for two hours until we could be seen.

You sound like you love your sister very much though and if you can't help now, if you can bear to stick around, you or your parents may, like my sister, be able to intervene at a crucial moment. As for myself, I am far from being out of the woods but, whatever the future may hold, my sister's help to me at this time will always inspire me to keep on trying to get better.

You and your family may also find it helpful to get in touch with AA as they also run a group for families who are suffering because one of their loved ones is or was an alcoholic. The MIND charity is also apparently very good for those who suffer from depression.

I wish you, your sister and your parents well - you can, and I sincerely hope will, get through this.

for info/support groups, try googling the term "dual diagnosis".

hi Jules, sorry there was no reply to your post, just come back to this thread now. I have no personal experience - all I can really suggest is to look at the al-anon section of the AA website (it has info and a helpline for supporting friends/relatives of people with a drink problem).

Changed my name, but am a regular.

My Dad has been an alcoholic for his entire adult life and a couple of years ago hit rock bottom with so many complications that I couldn't possibly describe. He was the lowest he could possibly be, his liver was damaged, he self-harmed, hallucinated and he had lost control and we seriously believed that he would not make it through this.

He was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for observation and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (manic depression). It took very specific consultant care, controlled medication and an understanding CPN (community psychiatric nurse) to get the bipolar disorder stabilised. It was very important that this was tackled first as he could not begin to look at the alcoholism until he didn't need to self-medicate any more. I cannot stress enough that proper medical care from psychiatric professionals was the turning point for his recovery.

AA did not work for him, he never could share with strangers what was a very personal experience for him. Once he had stabalised his mood swings and sorted out the medication it became very much a one day at a time process. He stopped drinking, he planned holidays, he took up painting, started a course, read books and started channelling energy into rebuilding his life. Today he is a tee-total, happy and changed character. It was a long road, he needed support and he needed to do things on his own, but he needed urgent medical attention.

You must find a GP who will make the referral. Your sister can be helped but she is ill.

There are support groups online for families of alcoholics/people who are bipolar. Try googling. Once your sister is in the psychiatric system properly you can all ask for help with this too but you must, must, must get her referred by a sympathetic doctor.

Depression needs to be tackled first.

FWIW I agree with you. It really is a one day at a time approach. He also needs the support and understanding of your Mum and sister. You cannot just say to an alcoholic 'stop drinking' or 'cut down'. Alcoholism is an illness and he needs help.

Counselling is such an ambiguous term as well. Is he being treated for the depression? Do you know what sort of depression it is? He needs proper medication and a counselling that is tailored to his particular situation. Otherwise, he will think that he is being offered a solution and find himself disappointed, perhaps believing that he can't be helped.

I would get him back to the GP- would you go with him?- and explain that he is a depressed alcoholic who needs the depression recognised and treated and a referral to a professional who can help him. There are many, many ways of tackling alcoholism and alcoholism manifests itself in different ways. I think perhaps it would also help to involve your Mum in any treatment and counselling so that she can understand how complicated both alcoholism and depression can be. Her 'cut down and sort yourself out' implies that she does not understand quite how difficult this must be for your Dad and it also implies that she thinks he just needs to put in a bit of effort for himself- and while he does need to put in effort to help himself, he also needs a lot of help, support, love and understanding.

I can tell from your posts how much you love your Dad and how worried you are. You must tell him this and make sure he knows that it's never to late to start tackling a problem. Be very proud that he has admitted this to you as well. That is the first step and an enormous one. Tell him that he can make lots of little steps and eventually will find himself in a place he can finally be happy.

Keep posting, feel free to CAT me if you want to chat and don't want to discuss too much on here.

hi jules, I'm a recovering alcoholic. Your father had taken an enormous step, probably the most important on the road to recovery for him. It's early days yet and you're right to be easy on him. Most people don't understand the nature of alcoholism and why we just can't stop.

For you and your family, I'd definitely recommend Al-Anon . It's a support group for friends and family members of alcoholics and will give you some idea how to cope yourself. This is really important, it's a long road ahead and it won't be easy for any you. Alcoholism is known as a "family illness", in that it doesn't just affect the drinker...the ripples go much much further.

I wish you well, anything you want to ask me, please feel free.

You asked about what to treat first. I think depression/alcoholism is a bit like the chicken and the egg. After a long time of both, it doesn't really matter anyway. We drink because we're depressed, and we're depressed because we drink. So, I would say tackle both.

Hi jules, I think we often get the answers we need at exactly the right time. I was just this minute emailing a friend that I believe there's a strong genetic prevalence of alcoholism in my family.

You'll know in yourself what's right. If you can help your father and learn about yourself at the same time, isn't that fantastic?

I'd best go off to bed now but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. In my experience, co-incidences are never only that.

Be kind to yourself. kx

Is it OK to share my story with you?

Last night I went to an AA meeting. Too scarey for words, and I left early. I am so utterly crap, especially as a wonderful woman came to my house, picked me up and took me there.

Now I've said it, and I feel so ashamed.

Earlgrey, please don't feel ashamed.

I am not an alcoholic but have various other issues that I won't go into yet but I have been to an AA meeting. One of the thing sthat really struck me was how although I am not a dependent drinker, a lot of what was said, what is in 'the book' and what other people in the group shared applied to me too.

It is incredibly daunting to go to an AA meeting. The fact that you went in the first place is a huge achievement. I don't think it matters that you left early.

I don't know what I am trying to say, Earlgrey so I'll stop rambling... Please don't be so hard on yourself. It isn't easy and I am sure that others in your group have done the same as you. Hang on in there...

x

Mama, are you CATable? There are some things H will see on here and I haven't the nouse to work out how to MSN anyone.

Yes, earlgrey, I'm CATable - or you can email me at busy mamama @ gmail.com (no gaps, obvisouly)

I'd be happy to 'talk' with you off-board...

Take care

X