I really need to get back to being me and would love any advice on first steps and success stories.
I've had a tough few years by any standards with unresolved issues of grief from my fathers suicide, acceptance of infertility and adoption of two great but draining DC. I had to give up my job to care for them as they need consistency and routine (although no disabilities they do have difficulties) I am very overweight and my marriage has suffered considerably since our children were placed 2 years ago.
I have gone from happily married, successful career that I loved, sociable friendship circle, good family relationships to now being moody, irritable, craving time alone but hating if when I am alone, avoiding friends, getting annoyed with family who no doubt feel like they can do no right and recently struggling to hold in the absolute rage I feel inside. It's almost like I'm The Hulk and I want to scream and clench my fists to get it out.
Every night when I look in on them before I go to bed, I vow to be better tomorrow. That I'll not be screaming in my head for them to shut up or get frustrated when they take ages to do their teeth. That I won't spend from 10am- 2pm watching Netflix in a daze when I should be doing "stuff". That I'll text my friends back and laugh about something rather than complaining. But then tomorrow comes and I just do the same old things.
I can't face going to the Doctors. I know I should but I can't even bring myself to call and make an appt, let alone tell them my problems.
I want to be a brilliant mum and wife and friend and daughter but I'm failing miserably all round. How and where do I start to make a change?