Annoyed at self.

[DeleteOrDecay]

I don't know what to say or why I'm posting. I'm just so annoyed with myself.

I know I am depressed and that I should see my doctor. I know that they will help, prescribe meds, offer counselling if available. I know that they won't just brush me off and that they have a duty of care.

Yet I have this ridiculous fear that that's exactly what's going to happen if I made an appointment. I'm worried they won't believe me, that they will think I'm exaggerating or attention seeking. Especially if I just so happened to be having a good day when I do see them.

It's ridiculous. I am so unhappy, I have been for a while even though I don't always seem unhappy. The past couple of years have been tough, full of mixed emotions. I feel fragile.

Why can't I just be brave and see someone? They see this sort of thing every day. What exactly am I afraid of?

I think you have answered your own question.

Bravery and depression are not good friends. Bravery and mania get along fine as do depression and unhappyness. But not bravery and depression, they are never seen together.

Please do not worry that the doctor will simply ask how are you today and push you off if you say today I am oK. Diagnosis takes a bit more time and a lot more questions. It may be worth asking fir a long appointment.

Do you think there. is any way we can we help you to do what you know you need to do? It is a tad difficult on an anonymous forum, but we will try our best for you.

Thank you for the reply itsnoteasy, no I don't think there is anything you can do. I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest.

It's taken me 30+ years to finally get meds for my anxiety so no judgement from me on how long it takes to finally make the appointment.

But if they're anything like mine, they won't even blink, they get this all the time - they'll just ask you some standard questions and offer you meds and/or counselling. It might not even take that long.

Why not book one and then see how you feel the day before?

different I beg to differ, I think its just that with depression all your bravery is used up just facing each day, doing the little things like getting out of bed, having a shower etc use up everything and don't leave much for bigger tasks.

OP, I think you know what you need to do, be kind to yourself, maybe make that appointment on a good day when you are feeling stronger, or ask someone else to make it for you. You could take someone with you for morral support. Also you can get the depression screening questionairres the GPs use online , maybe using these for a self assessment would help you feel more justified in seeking help. You could print them out and take them with you too.