I feel so shitty at the moment. My husband left me about 18 months ago and since then I've suffered with anxiety. It comes and goes but it's very much here at the moment. I've had depression forever but it comes in waves. I'm feeling quite low right now. I'm eating badly and drinking too much. I don't really know what I'm living for. My job is shit. I've found dating again to be shit. My friends are good and kind but it doesn't feel enough. They're busy with their families. My family aren't brilliant. I don't see them much. I have some single and childless friends and we have fun, but when I'm alone and not constantly filling my time I feel anxious. I have interests and things I enjoy doing but I don't know.... I just need to vent.
I'm so scared I will never have love again. I'm wondering why no one likes me in the romantic sense. I'm having occasional sex with someone but they never contact me first and i don't even like them that much but still feel jealous and insecure. The last person I felt something for really messed me about.
I don't know if I can live like this on my own forever.
I feel I need some meaning in my life and I don't know what that is. I've never felt the need to be in a relationship to be happy and certainly have never thought a partner would give my life meaning.... I don't really know what I'm saying.
I just feel low, and lonely. I would very much like to feel cared for.
God I sound pathetic!
Do others feel the same? What do you do to feel better?