PND/anxiety - home alone - hand holding needed please

[wideawakeat3am]

I have 2 beautiful children but am not coping today. Having anxiety attack and home alone. Partner at work and feel so alone. This is my first post, need to talk, some company to get me through. Am so scared of them being ill and my oldest being sick I'm scared to be on my own with them. I feel so shit for not being able to cope, like I'm a bad mum but I can't face it today.

You're not a bad mum, I've been exactly where you are and I know how you feel. You're not alone! 2 young kids at home is tough. I hope you are able to get support to give you a break? I've found just getting out for the odd walk a life saver.

and and a virtual hug for you.

Thank you. I'm going out for a walk to eat up some time before my partner gets home. Hate feeling like this. I don't know how to help myself cope when I'm panicking - writing down my thoughts etc seems to be ok when I'm thinking more clearly but not when my brain is so upset.

Can you outline what is making you anxious?

It's rubbish isn't it. PND/Anxiety were the hardest things that ever happened to me. You will make it through.
Don't think about getting through the whole afternoon, break it into chunks. You just have to do 15 minutes at a time.

Getting out is a great idea, as you say, some of your time will be used up, then it'll be tea time, then maybe a bubble bath etc.
Take the time to stop and take 10 deep breaths every few minutes (I used to think this was utter bollocks but it genuinely helped me).

And don't beat yourself up about feeling like this! You aren't bad, you're just unlucky to be poorly right now.

Thank you. Sorry I've not replied until now. I find it difficult even just sitting and typing sometimes.

Wowbutter - illness is the main trigger for my anxiety. The depression side of things is getting better but I seem to have this crippling anxiety now instead. I'm worried about any of us getting ill, in particular my 18 month old. I hate sick, and anyone having a tummy bug is my worst nightmare. I feel panic setting in as soon as there's a hint of illness, and I'm preoccupied with thoughts around this.

Thinking and MrsPeel - thanks, a walk really helped. I need some more coping strategies as writing things down and challenging my thoughts doesn't work when I'm panicking. I hate feeling like this and just want to be able to cope. I sometimes feel scared to be alone with them, and it shouldn't be like that. OH is very good with kids/helping, but works full time.

OH has a migraine this morning and I've had an upset tummy. So scared of getting a bug, getting ill. My toddler has done a bit of a runny poo as well. I should be able to cope but I'm sitting here panicking and over thinking. I can't eat and am scared to feed my children in case they are ill.

Do you have a Home-Start in your area wideawake. You may be able to get a volunteer half a day a week to give you some emotional support or do things with you and the DC

I'll have a look at Home-Start, orange. I've heard of them but assumed we wouldn't be eligible. My mum comes a few days each week but it's the days I'm on my own when anxiety tends to flare up :( I can feel fine when my mum is here.

Its worth a call wideawake. I know they support families with under 5s who are struggling for various reasons including PND/anxiety and if your mum wasn't coming up I'd say you would definitely be eligible. However, it is possible, if they are short on volunteers, that they think you already have a lot of support with your mum coming up. However, do give them a call and ask or email if you find it easier. Sorry you are feeling so anxious.

Thanks orange. I feel so alone and useless. It's great when my mum is here as she really helps, but when I'm on my own it's not good. I want to be a good mum but am failing my children at the moment.

No advice but just wanted to say that I'm exactly the same with sick. I physically leave the house if either of mine are sick. I don't beat myself up about it though. The anxiety is bad enough.