Am I losing it? Hand hold please

[Namechanged27367]

Name changed.

I feel like I'm losing touch a bit.. please tell me if this is normal..

History: always been a worrier. CBT for severe anxiety when pregnant 3yrs ago. PND after birth of daughter. Been off pills and "better" most of this year.

The last few weeks my anxiety has definitely risen, but the last couple of weeks I've felt like something awful is going to happen. And several times I've almost imagined it happening and been really panicky.
One example is when we were on holiday it was a bit of a remote place and I had a worry that we could get broken into and they might have guns etc etc (lot more detail but won't go into it)
Then on thd plane coming home I felt certain something awful was going to happen (mainly terrorist fears, again a whole situation I was convinced was going to happen)
And tonight I've been sobbing in fear of nuclear war and what might happen. Feeling like in some ways I'd be better off dead than waiting for the inevitable to happen. Hate the uncertainty.

Am I losing it? Hand hold, please don't be horrible.

love, it sounds like the anxiety and depression might be back, do you think?

has something happened in your life to trigger it again?

Don't worry, you've been through this before and you'll come out the other side again

Thank you so much for replying. Thank you.

I thought I was doing so well though.

Tried to speak to DH tonight about it but he mainly brushed it off. Probably because I rambled on about nuclear war and how scared I am. Maybe I was hoping he would see that's just the latest in the run of fears.

I don't know what to do though. I don't want pills again.

You aren't losing it. But you need to talk to someone and get some help before it escalates. I have a similar background to you of anxiety and depression. I too spiral into terrible extreme worries. But right now, when I'm in an ok state, I can read your words and see that it is illness talking. It's not you, and the world is not going to end around you, it's the anxiety talking.

Do you have any coping mechanisms that you can turn to for help? For me it's time alone, preferably outdoors, for a few hours to just breath, and be calm and try to talk to myself rationally. And avoid the news and social media. But if you can't do that then please go and talk to your GP, it may be an early warning and you can get on too of it early. Good luck. I've got your virtual hand.

Thank you Furry. You're being really kind and I'm just useless.

Have Drs booked for tomorrow for unrelated issue.
Have CBT starting for other anxiety (food related) in a couple of weeks.. but this feels so much worse than that anxiety.

I don't want to end up back on pills though and what else can the Dr do?

The fact you are starting CBT again is really positive. It will hopefully remind you of all the techniques and will help you with this anxiety too. Not sure what else the GP will do. Why don't you want pills again? Did they not work for you? I fought against them for years, but they truly saved my life in the end.

The pills were a lifesaver. But it feels like a backwards step. And we were just starting to think about the potential of baby 2. Not that that's a good idea if I'm like this, I realise that. I'm just all jumbled, sorry.

Thank you so much for having time to reply.

Yoink - nothing's happened that I can think of..just my mad head :-(

I'm with you op. Speak to your GP tomorrow. I am on a low dose of anti anxiety tablets and a few months ago was considering stopping them as I felt better. The last month or so my anxiety is back with a vengeance. Don't suffer in silence, returning to CBT is a good start, but you may need a low dose of medication too. Thinking of you.

My GP just told me to think of the pills as a crutch to support me while I was recovering, rather than them 'making' me recover, if that makes sense. Helped me enormously as I felt more in control. This is all fixable, it's an illness, this does not need to be the rest of your life or stop you having another baby. History may not repeat itself. Good luck out there x

Thank you. I will speak to Dr today.