Where do I start??

[Unicornshorn]

Hi all,
I have struggled with low mood as long as I can remember and realise now that I suffered from OCD for a time as a teenager. I also had a difficult time in my teens/ early twenties as my mother was admitted twice to a clinic with alcoholism and my father suffered from ill health since I was little. However, after leaving home and building a career, meeting my long term partner and my Mum getting sober, life has been much better although I sometimes feel that I hold myself back from taking risks and making changes in my life as I am too scared to "rock the boat". I had my son two years ago and he really is the light of my life. I have struggled a lot with my emotions since though - getting anxious about his sleep, worrying about everything, finding it hard to be with my family and partner. I often wish that me and my little boy could run away and start a new life! Lately things have been particularly hard, with family health issues, work and money problems. My partner and I spend every weekend arguing; he says I'm no fun anymore and I have to change. I resent him as I feel that he does nothing to help at home or help organise our child but wonder if this is unfair as he works long hours in a management role (I work 25 hrs a week in a management role too). I feel like our relationship has totally disintegrated and actually feel numb when I think about him. I sometimes feel like I would be happier without him, but I wouldnt want anyone if that makes sense. My GP gave me Prozac some time ago which made me feel really odd and I stopped it after a few days. I dont know if what I feel about my partner is real, or is tainted because I could be depressed. Ive had the cold the last few days and feel particularly low, I just dont know what to do and want my little boy to have a happier life than I have. Sorry for the ramble, any advice or shared experiences would be really appreciated

Hi it sounds tough, dificult to say with regards to your relationship. Just wanted to say I've been on prozac and each time its made me ferl a bit odd to start with but thats quickly gone away once my bodys got used to taking it.

Thanks for your message, do you feel that the Prozac is helpful? I feel weird about taking it regardless of the side effects, I don't know why!

First, welcome to the MH pages. People here try to help each other.

Oh dear, this is not good. I suspect you have a number of issues rolling round in your head. It may help to unpick them appart:-
You have a history off issues from having "difficult" parents.
You are scared to rock the boat.
New mum with all the normal mum issues... is he sleeping etc
Major focus on son as the light of your life..
Partner works long hours and you want him to do more to care for son.
Partner says you are no longer fun.
You feel detached when you think about partner.
You wonder about leaving him, but you do not have anyone else in view.
Have .i missed anything?

At this point I will try and tread carefully.. Please forgive if I get things a bit wrong.

It seems that when you met partner, you were fun.. (partners description). Now you have become a mother and no longer prepared to rock the boat. Partner is missing his fun girlfriend. He is also tired from long hours. And when he gets home you need his help with son but he wants/needs relief from work pressures. This is going to cause problems in the relationship.

Into this you have all the usual issues of being a mother; tired, hormone changes, major focus on child as first call on your emotion, tiredness etc. You have changed. That is not said to imply criticisism. You have to change from a carefree teenager into a mother in order to successfully raise your child.

As when all things change life becomes uncomfortable and uncertain. That also leads to discomfort and unhappyness. You are experiencing the effects of major life changing events on top of a history of "issues".

I will not try to suggest a course of action as only you can decide what you should do. By way of observations, you have not said anything about abusive behaviour. That is good as it leaves you the basic choices, repair the relationship or break it. I would not suggest repair if he is physically or mentally abusive. Whichever you take, there will be a rough patch ahead. But you have the strength of a woman.

Please keep posting. Writing things down often helps..

Hi unicorn yes I have found Prozac very helpful in the past for depression. Taking an AD when depressed is no different from say taking insulin for diabetes.

As to if you are depressed or just facing a lot of challenges and changes at the moment I couldn't say, but Prozac has helped me when I've been facing difficult times in the past. I would also ask GP for talking therapy alongside medication if possible, to help you work through the underlying issues that are leading yo you feeling this way.

Thank you both very much for replying. No, my partner is not abusive at all, but I just feel sometimes that he is another stress I have to deal with in my day! He is quite sensitive and I possibly don't always communicate in the nicest way, especially if I am busy trying to get things done and this leads to arguments. Life just feels easier when he's not there a lot of the time, but I feel like that about most people except my little boy!! His Mum is also a very strong character and I feel always has an opinion on anything to do with our child, she also treats my DH quite badly at times and this adds to the stress. That's why I can't tell the difference between depression and stress from difficult circumstances. I spoke to my GP about counselling but the waiting list is very long at the moment, perhaps I should consider going private. I definitely think I am affected by my younger years, just in some ways it's very frightening to go back to. A lot of thinking to do, but perhaps reconsidering the Prozac is the first step. Thanks again