I am struggling. My head feels like it wants to explode and make a mess all over the walls. I am an adult survivor of very severe child neglect and sexual abuse. I am in therapy at the moment but no therapist can be there for you 24hrs a day. I'd like to find oblivion somehow to shut up my head but I'm not a drinker, too scared to take drugs. Want to hurt myself. My therapist says I want this because it allows me to dissociate and that gives relief. I am being interviewed by the Police soon, much good it will do me. They never prosecuted the first time I reported my abuser. And a prison sentence will not silence my mind. I barely live these days. My life and horizons have shut down and down. I've lost my entire family over this and many friends too. The 'contagion' of abuse is too much for most people to bear. I am making myself ill. I am eating disordered. I struggle with it so much. I'm becoming ever more agoraphobic. And yet I'm getting the very best cutting-edge trauma care there is. Still it's not enough. I just don't know how to keep going.