Hey,
Not really sure where to start with this, but I have so much rumbling around in my mind, that I just need to get it out in the open, and with no "close-friends" to listen to me, I've decided to let my fingers do the talking.
I work full time, but I also have 2 children. I have sorted out my work / home life balance and I think I'm Ok now (time-wise). But I can't help myself but work, work, work! It seems to be my one distraction that whenever I'm feeling shitty I can rely on.
I don't have any close-friends, my family don't really seem to care, my partner, whilst he is great, doesn't seem to take a lot of interest in stuff he doesn't already have an interest in, and the kids are both going through their own difficult growing up trials and tribulations.
I feel isolated, alone and with no-one to truly support me.
A lot of it is my own doing - I do recognise that. But I don't want to revisit it. I left home under a cloud, and whilst it was not all my fault, I don't want to apologise for my actions, when I'm not really sorry for what happened.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not looking for a someone to tell me it will all be Ok or how to make amends with my past. I want to forget and move on, but I want to move on to where things go right.
In the last 10yrs I've had so many ups and downs. We've made amazing progress and my career is going great. But despite having the stuff I wanted (a good career and my own little family) I still feel like there is a gaping hole in my emotions. Something is missing - but I don't know what.
Maybe it's the lack of stability? Maybe the lack of friends or extended family? Could be no disposable income? Or maybe something else. But whatever it is, its slowly draining me. Everyday I feel a little bit more useless. Everyday I rely on my work to keep me going. Knowing its the one thing that I am truly good at, relied on to provide the right guidance and support.
I'm useless at home - I can't cook, I'm terrible at cleaning and even the children prefer to spend time with Daddy (or playing video games) than with me.
So what should I do? Continue as I am, and wait for destiny to change up my life again? Relocate the family and start over? What are my other options?!
Feels better getting it all off my chest, and for anyone reading, sorry if this post isn't in great English. I've let my fingers do the talking, but look forward to hearing any words of wisdom from my fellow Mums out there!
Thanks in advance for the cyber-support! xxxx