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Original poster

Sat here depressed upset and nowhere to turn.

48 replies

Namelessanddepressed · 04/02/2007 20:55

I am a regular, feel really low at the minute to the point where I dont know what to do any more. My personal life situation is just becoming very overwhelming. I am trying to think of a way to type things without it becoming obvious who I am to some mumsnetters.
I have a lot going on with family that is just becoming so overwhelming and upsetting I dont know what to do. One family member is dying putting stress on already strained family ties. I am organising an event which I cant really afford but was doing as relative who is dying asked me to do it before they passed away which could be at anytime. The cost of event is just completely taking over everything and is depressing me further.
Our home life is dire at the minute due to having young children and my husband now not having a job when we were already completely struggling with day to day stuff. I already suffer from depression and seem to be getting lower as there are all these things I 'should' be doing and dont see how it is possible at all for me to do them. My parents in law have been great and are trying to help with the event in any way possible but I have not told them that we cant even afford basics at the minute. I just dont know where to turn for help as husband is wallowing in own depressin due to work circumstances and finances.

OP posts:
starfairy · 06/02/2007 22:59

Would love to help you to, i dont have any christening gowns but i have some lovely little outfits you are more than welcome to. Maybe you could try looking in charity shops for gowns, always lots of baby stuff in them or car boot sales.

Pavlovthecat · 06/02/2007 23:20

Nemo,

I am so sorry things are not good for you right now. I have just lost my mum recently (couple of weeks) and my brother had organised his wedding at short notice also, for two weeks time and I am getting married in Sept for the same reason (earlier than anticipated that is). Unfortunately mum became v ill more quickly than we anticipated.

Anyway, what I am tring to say is that, although I am not in a very similar position to you, I can understand a little of this is a very tough time, and that although I cant do much actively, I want you to know that I am thinking strong positive thoughts for you.

viticella · 07/02/2007 00:03

It sounds like you are under awful pressure, don't be afraid to ask for help, no-one who matters will judge you.

Could you get away with a low-key christening rather than all the frills, esp in view of your nan's illness and the redundancy? E.g. try and get sympathetic minister/vicar to waive any fees, have people bring a dish to meal at home after, invite your MIL to get little matching frocks for the girls that will do for other occasions later. There's no religious reason for silks, caterers and wedding-style christenings, your nan probably just wants to see the little ones baptised. hope i have not spoken out of turn.

It's not right for a meaningful occasion to be spoiled for you by lots of pressure and it sounds like you have an awful lot of other things to think about. Do take care.

survivour · 07/02/2007 00:12

Nemo, I am so sorry your feeling this way, if there is anything we can do for you?????

abitmessedup · 07/02/2007 01:56

Nemo, I was watching this and have only just seen that this is you.

I'm so sorry things are so tough.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know - you can CAT me (I think, this is my name change), even if it is just to talk. I'm really sorry hun x

funkimummy · 07/02/2007 09:53

Nemo,

I've got two dresses. (worn once each) both in cream silk and I have shoes to match. 3-6 months old. Worn for a wedding. Let me know if you're interested, and I'll send you some pictures. You can have them. I definitely don't intend on having any more children!

I have some other stuff as well. Email me [email protected] (it's my own home work address btw.) and we can chat.

Let's get some ideas brewing!

Nemo2007 · 07/02/2007 10:21

Hi all thanks for offers etc, I find it really hard to accept help...probably because am not used to it.
My mil has bought the girls dresses which is why I dont like asking her for help with other costs. Its all the silly little things that are adding up like DD1 needed shoes to go with the dress, DS needed a suit[managed to get a cheap one on ebay and am selling the one he has outgrown].Even little things like cardigans which of course cost only £6 or so each but when you dont have it you dont have it..lol

Think I am also stressing over when my nan dies as my stepfather will 99% likely be at the funeral. I dont want to not go[already missed my other nans funeral but then it was his mum]. Obviously wouldnt be taking the children but just coming face to face with him for the first time in nearly 4 yrs is going to be very difficuly. Plus knowing that half the problems we have are because of what he did and me then loosing my family etc.

funkimummy · 07/02/2007 10:30

Nemo,

I think I have a vague recollection of the issues with your SF. My Mum went through something v similar. It's taken her years to accept it, and she wishes she'd just got on with life and stuck two fingers up at it!

It will be your Nan's funeral and you have every right to be there. Much more so than him. Don't let the bastard get you down. He was a shadow in your life when you were younger. don't let him be one now.

Look upon MNers as your friends and family. There are hundreds of people who will I'm sure literally rally around.

Apart from cardigans, what else do you need?

Make a list, and people can see if they have something they're willing to donate or buy. Go on, there's a lot to be said for human kindness.

xxxx

Jaamy · 07/02/2007 11:23

Hi Nemo

How you doing today?

Please make a list of everything you need. You have got enough going on and need this to be a special, enjoyable day for you and all the family.

To start with, what size shoes do you need for DD1? and what colour cardigans do you need?

Please let us help...

funkimummy · 07/02/2007 12:20

Nemo, are you still about?

abitmessedup · 07/02/2007 14:17

Nemo, I don't really know what to say. Things will be really hard when there is a funeral... I don't know what to suggest. I'm sorry. {{hugs}}

Nemo2007 · 07/02/2007 14:42

hi all
funkimummy its just all stupid little bits that I need but just adds up. Cant do the accepting help bit as feels really scuzzy[i dont know why as would willing help others]
Im so so today just seem to be constantly snapping at dh as he is under my feet and I am just not used to it at all. He is usually out at work long hours or away so for him to be here alllll day is strangely draining. He is looking for other jobs but nothing as yet.

Nemo2007 · 07/02/2007 14:45

abitmessedup I am really petrified about the funeral. I am dreading it and knew something like this would happen at some point but now that it is looming I feel sick.

funkimummy · 07/02/2007 14:47

Nemo!!!!! You aren't scuzzy just for accepting a bit of help!!! If we were all a bit more like the Mums of 60 years ago, we'd probably all be a lot happier. Everyone helped everyone!! But then I guess post-war, you had to!!

Come-on - What's needed???

IKWYM - DH gets under my feet when he's here too.

So no luck yet? Have you managed to get any bens sorted out?

funkimummy · 07/02/2007 14:59
abitmessedup · 07/02/2007 15:23

Nemo, I understand how you feel about the funeral. I don't know what to suggest - I'd be terrified too.

Maybe someone on the other thread has been through something like this and can offer a bit more advice. I still see my SF regularly and 'get on' quite well with him (on the surface at least, you know - the keeping up appearance thing) so I'm not much help with this other than moral support.

{{hugs}}

I do think that if people want to help, you should let them. You have an awful lot on your plate and if anyone can make things a little easier for you, it would make them happy to help you out... I do understand that it isn't easy to accept help though.

Please take care and keep talking on here x

Nemo2007 · 07/02/2007 15:27

Right have put a thread under wanted, so hoping people has some bits cheap..lol

abitmessedup I know what you mean about keeping up appearances, I did that too until I had Ds then it all blew up as didnt want my kids around him.

BassMama · 07/02/2007 19:06

Nemo,

I've sent you a wee email to the address you posted below - if you dont get it put a wee message on here!

Nemo2007 · 07/02/2007 20:14

bassmama I got it and replied.

Biglips · 07/02/2007 20:38

hiya Nemo - ive only just noticed this thread..im sorry to hear that youre going thru a rough time. i do hope that your dh does get a job VERY soon.....im sending some good luck vibes over to you now @@@@@@@@@good luck*@@@@@@@@@@

Nemo2007 · 07/02/2007 21:26

thanks BLS

viticella · 07/02/2007 23:55

Hi nemo

If it's any help, my friend had similar thing in the summer at her husband's funeral. His family who were on non speaking terms for several years had to be there. Basically her best friend stuck to her side like a bodyguard for the whole day (planned)ready to fend off certain people so she didn't have to face them. It really worked, she would probably have broken down otherwise.

Different for you in that it's not your event but basically you need to brief a person to protect you and make sure you are never put in a position of needing to face or speak to him. Somehow it's easier to say "please don't speak to my friend/wife today or we will leave" rather than "please don't speak to me". Perhaps your DH would do this or you could try a sympathetic relative?

Nemo2007 · 08/02/2007 14:27

viticella that is a really really good idea, thanks will have to forewarn DH as he doesnt tend to be very forthcoming on these things!!

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