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Mental health

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Original poster

Oh no - I hate my body and my face...and not too keen on hair either

23 replies

mumto3girls · 04/02/2007 18:54

oh no..has anyone managed to live quiet a long time believing themself to be slimmer and prettier than they actually are?

I have managed to buy 'large' versions of my usual size clothes and then going up one size didn't seem that drastic...then the odd double chin comment was obviously taken as a joke...
Breathing in and standing straight for all photos whilst managing to hide face behind hair has worked for months. Today my DP took apiccy of me with dd3. I was hoping that as usual ( at my request) he would have cut me out of the photo - but not this time! I downloaded them and i cannot hide any longer. I'm fat, I look 5 years older than I am at least and I am not attractive at all!!

I'm so depressed...

OP posts:

Swizzler · 04/02/2007 19:01

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. Just to say that it could well be the photo - I nearly always look grim in photos yet I don't think I'm too bad . Why not take some time out to pamper yourself? You could go for a massage/spa/facial, or do a home spa thing with some friends while your partner babysits?

Original poster

mumto3girls · 04/02/2007 19:23

Thanks Swizzler - to be honest it was an awful piccy but it has just made me face the truth..I've put on over two stone since having dd3 21 months ago and my hair is too long and shapeless...those things I can do stuff about, but I'm shocked at my lines and my hook nose and stupid eyes that go all slitty when i smile...

Please don't answer this thread anyone if you'r ejust gonna say I'm being shallow I know I am...I really wish I could laugh this stuff off and say it doesn't matter, but it's my self-esteem...it's taken a real knock.

I always used to be complimented on how young i looked for having two dc's ( big break of 12 years before dd3) but now I never do. I really need to make more of an effort...but don't quite know where to start.

Help?!

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 04/02/2007 19:33

Right - no point in slaughtering yourself over your nose and eyes. They won't have changed too much in the last few years, there will have been the same when you were complimented.

if you can afford it, haircut, a couple of nice things that will fit you now, and some really nice shoes or boots and a bag to perk you up. Then you can start on getting shut of the weight when you feel more positive about yourself.

3andnomore · 04/02/2007 19:40

Awwww, I know the feeling, althoguh, I have never really liked much about myself, so, for me not a recent thing. The only parts I really truely like about myself are my ears and my feet...how sad....eh...!
Anyway, I do find that when I take control of the situation and do something about it, i.e. loose weight etc...I do feel better about myself.
So, take yourself to a haridresser and get yourself sorted for some weightloss programme or another...if you go to classes and stay for them, you get great support and well, it's somethng that you do for you, iykwim.
(((((((((lots of cyberhugs your way))))))))))

Original poster

mumto3girls · 04/02/2007 19:45

Thanks everyone - I know it's feeble, but since becoming a SAHM I find that my appearnace seems to be more on my mind than when i was working...
I really need to get out more, walking with dd and stop throwing packets of mint poppets down my throat.

I have very thick hair, often complimented by hairdressers but terrible to style. I look like a witch when it's straightened or dougal from magic roundabout when it's left au naturelle....god I'm a whinnger today.

OP posts:

Swizzler · 04/02/2007 20:04

Have you tried going a bit shorter? My hair is also thick and straight, and looks best at a chin-length bob (if you can face getting it hacked off).

Original poster

mumto3girls · 04/02/2007 20:54

I have considered going shorter, but need something to hide my double chin from the side!!!

Thanks Swizzler.

OP posts:

vizbizz · 04/02/2007 22:42

It's not shallow to want to feel good about yourself. Being a stay at home mum sometimes feels like you have no life to call your own, you are at the beck and call of everyone else. Just because you are a mum doesn't mean you stop being a person with your own feelings and needs.

Being covered in kids spat out food etc doesn't do much for the self-image either. Women all need to look and feel pretty sometimes. pamper yourself and enjoy it. You work hard enough looking after everyone else to have earned it a hundred times over.

Original poster

mumto3girls · 05/02/2007 13:00

thanks vizzbizz...i appreciate your post,

OP posts:

vizbizz · 05/02/2007 23:09

cerys · 05/02/2007 23:23

I agree with vizzbizz. I am a SAHM now and I try to make a bit of an effort even if I am just taking the DDs to school or DS to a toddler group. I am slowly losing weight but know it will take a long time. So I do try to buy clothes which suit me and wear nice necklaces with my jeans and tops - little things, but it helps the confidence.

mum2threegirls, I totally sympathise about seeing a photo of yourself and getting a shock - it happened to me at Christmas and was horrible. It did spur me into action about the weight though! You sound as if you are being very hard on yourself, by the way.
Good luck x

Original poster

mumto3girls · 06/02/2007 10:06

Thanks Cerys. I am going to have my hair done tomorrow...hope it's okay. Don't think i could hack a bad hair day!!!

OP posts:

SSShakeTheChi · 06/02/2007 10:10

good luck! Don't get anything too drastic done maybe.

cerys · 06/02/2007 20:45

mumto3girls, did you get your hair done? Are you happy with it?

Original poster

mumto3girls · 07/02/2007 16:24

Ahhhhhhhhhhh..had it done and it's horrid...DP says he will pay for me to have it done again asap....

OP posts:

cerys · 07/02/2007 20:33

oh no, sorry to hear that. Hope you can get it sorted out to your liking.

Original poster

mumto3girls · 08/02/2007 11:45

Thanks Cerys

I did have pretty much all one length down to my boobs hair with no fringe. Now I have hair with a fringe and some very uneven layering. I look like a cross between Linda McCartney in Wings and Suzie Quatro...boohoo

OP posts:

SSShakeTheChi · 09/02/2007 09:02

Maybe it is good but you need to get adjusted to it? Maybe use some special deep conditioners and things and get a really nice shine?

I know it's awful when you hate your haircut. I had a hideous cut which I am still trying to grow out. Looks ok these days though. I had hair all one length, a bit below my shoulders and this woman absolutely butchered it cutting in all these layers (yuk) I hadn't wanted. The top layer was about as short as my ear. Can you imagine how nice it looked? I felt like a clown. It's almost all one length now and back nearly to the way it was.

I'd only gone to her because my hairdresser is such an old lecher that it was getting on my nerves. However, I'm back with him now. Take dd along, so he can't be fondling my shoulders and inviting me out for a coffee the whole time. Things we have to do to look good eh?

How about your hands? You could give yourself a nice manicure and make sure they look pretty. How about a really nice new perfume and some nice high heels? Maybe high heeled boots? I've noticed they're all reduced.

Original poster

mumto3girls · 09/02/2007 10:52

thanks SSShakeTheChi but conditioner won't change the style!!!

Sounds like the girl who cut my hair practised on yours first!!!

OP posts:

SSShakeTheChi · 09/02/2007 11:50

Think she's gone into hiding

Original poster

mumto3girls · 09/02/2007 17:18

I was bought lots of nice perfumes and bath stuff for Christmas - just don't often seem to get round to using it.

I hate my hair and I'm so annoyed that I actually paid for it!!

Now I have to face the anguish of having even more cut off to even it out!!

OP posts:

SSShakeTheChi · 09/02/2007 17:38

Maybe don't cut it again....

Fringe is diff, if it doesn't suit you. What does it look like if you use a bit of gel at the roots and lift the fringe a bit?

If the length is still there despite the weird layering, maybe you can twist it up loosely so as not to damage the hair and leave it to grow a bit.

I so hate going to new hairdressers. Where are you going to go to get it fixed? What would you have done?

OK so you have perfume. WEAR IT!!!!!

How about red lipstick and a low cut top? If you've put on weight, you must have nice cleavage to show off. Maybe get a really nice bra? That would feel feminine and sexy and dh would probably love paying for it...

Ok the slitty eyes come from having put on weight I'd say. Dunno about the hooked nose. How did you manage that one?! Do you really have so many lines though? Wonder what a facial would do for you.

I think maybe you should fit in a long walk a day and drink a lot of water. It should make a difference to weight and that is long term what is going to make you feel I think. In fact I should be doing that myself

Original poster

mumto3girls · 09/02/2007 18:09

Hi again
Thanks, all I need is for you to be my conscience, Jimminy Cricket syle, and I'd be sorted....lol.
The hair cut was from a friend's niece who is bewtween jobs in salon right now, I am now living evidence as to why...

In fairness I have always had a horrible face when really smiling..eyes disappear and nose looks like a ski slope..but being slim and having nice hair i could cope withthose faults. Now I'm hefty with a dodgy uneven hair ( one side shorter than the other!!) and those faults are just the icing on the cake!!

OP posts:

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