I'm not important

[EverythingsDozy]

I'm a bit fed up of not feeling important. I am nobodies number 1, not even my own. I'm a single mum to 2 young children after my husband cheated and left with the other woman, so I have no partner who makes me feel special. I'm not even a priority for myself because my kids always come first. When I have spare money (like birthday and Christmas money), which doesn't happen often, it either goes on the kids or bills. I can't justify spending money on myself and I couldn't bear for my kids to go without something they want. My mum and her husband are very good to me but obviously I'm not first on their list because they've got each other, same with my sister and her family. I feel so lonely and isolated, I have very few friends.
Even in my job I'm the lowest of the low. I think I'm good at what I do but it's the nature of my position that means I can't be left to do things myself so I'm not even important there!
I want nothing more than for someone to just give me a little thought, instead of me having to ask for everything. I'm always offering to run around for people, to buy them things despite not being able to afford it, I would give someone my last £10 if they asked for it and wouldn't ask for it to be returned. I always put loads of thought into gifts that I give, but often I am let down when someone makes promises that they cannot keep.
I know I just sound like a selfish entitled little brat which is making me feel worse but I'm tired of always putting everyone else first but never getting the same consideration and I'm not sure how to make myself feel better. I just feel worthless.

I promise you are your kids' number one. Being a single mum - I take my hat off to you. Well done you. I have no idea how you do it. I'm rubbish at these posts but I couldn't read that and say nothing so hopefully this clumsily worded note helps a little. You don't have to be number one though to be important to people - your family care about you as well as their partners/kids.

X

If you never put yourself first why do you think other people should?

You don't sound selfish or entitled, you sound sad and lonely and never showing yourself some love. you are NOT worthless, you need to start being kind to yourself.

And I can guarantee you are your kids world.

You are everything to your children.
You are special and precious.
Can you get counselling? A good counsellor could help you develop a more realistic understanding of how important you really are.
Maybe look at the things you buy/do for others and deliberately hold back a little.
Treat yourself.
Look on YouTube for mindfulness and guided meditations to help improve your self-esteem
And these are for you because you really are very important indeed.

I'm sure you do a great job with your kids and sound like a great mum I can guarantee that you will always be their number one! Can you join any local groups to meet any other single mums if you haven't already I'm sure they will be able to relate to how you are feeling. I suffered from low self esteem for years CBT and mindfulness really helped me, with the mindfulness it's just lots of little things you can do in your day to pamper your self, really enjoying a cup of tea in peace, savouring your food, watching the birds, enjoying a long bubble bath. They all sound like silly little things but when you do them regularly and really try to take pleasure in whatever u are doing it does make you feel better

Thank you for your kind words.
My youngest child has just started telling me he doesn't like me when he's been naughty, although my eldest has never said that, so I've no idea where he gets it from.
I will have a look into mindfulness and the link. Thank you for those. I don't think there are any single parent groups around here as many of our local groups have been forced to close and I would hate to ask my mum if she will watch the kids so I could go.

Hey OP, I knwo being a single mum is really hard, I am too. But there are some good things....you are absolutely their world and despite the odd tantrum etc they absolutely will adore you. I feel very empowered by my situation, I make all the decisions and there is no one to have to negotiate with although I know sometimes it would be great to share the pressure. Have you tried Gingerbread? Some of their stuff is helpful and useful. And yes yes to becciandbump, simple things matter. Being nice to yourself. Power of Now is a good book I read when I first became a single mum after an abusive relationship. It taught me how to take pleasure in the simple things everyday and to quiet my mind down on the negative thoughts which were getting me down. Big hug, you are not alone xxxx

I get where you're coming from, I think. I'm not technically a single parent, but I'm in an unhappy, dead end relationship where I've been cheated on. I have two cousins left, one an invalid, and no other family who keep in touch. I have one teenage dd, in a very self-absorbed phase.

I get what you mean about not being important. I haven't even got a proper job!

You ARE important, though. You are working, you are paying taxes, you are bringing up children in difficult circumstances. You are doing the right things, and I think you should give yourself some credit for that.

Im crap at giving advice, but I think sometimes we ought to give ourselves a pat on the back for what we ARE, not just what we mean to other people.

Hope I'm making some sense.