beliefs starting and stopping suddenly.

[OldHarvingtonian]

I'm not quite sure where to start or how to explain this, but I wonder if it's a mental health problem although I've never heard about anything like this from anyone else. Basically I go through periods of believing things totally and strongly, and then just stop. For example for several years I was a huge believer in David Icke's work, totally believed in the reptilians and everything. Then I totally believed in Christianity, then other stuff, then recently a few months ago I just suddenly totally and fundamentally believed in Christianity again, to the point of throwing away all of my CDs and DVDs because they were satanic (things like heavy metal and dance music and just normal everyday films) and throwing away all of my heavy metal t shirts, and reading the bible every night before bed and constantly worrying that I'd do something wrong (join the wrong Christian denomination, and not being sure whether I needed to do works with faith) and would burn in hell for all eternity because of it, and I no longer believed in evolution but thought the world was created in 6 days, believed everything that wasn't christian was satanic, and all kinds of other stuff. Then, a day or two ago, I just suddenly didn't believe in Christianity any more and regret throwing all my stuff away and feel silly for not believing in evolution, etc.

This keeps happening. I suddenly and strongly totally believe something, to the point of starting to change my life over it, then just as suddenly either stop believing in it or suddenly switch to a totally new belief. Like I went through a several year phase of believing that the universe was one interconnected consciousness that we are all a part of and I felt and believed it so totally, then when I sudden;y believed in Christianity totally and thought that my previous feelings of oneness with the universe where a deception from satan to lead me astray. This isn't even the first time I've thrown all my stuff away because of a belief that started and ended suddenly.

I've also had several what I thought of as "mystical revelations" where I'd spend hours or sometimes even days feeling so intensely at one with the universe that I just lie on my bed with feelings of bliss coursing through me. But then months or years later I've thought, "Well, maybe there was some physical/mental/chemical thing going on inside me that caused that." This is affecting my life because just when I think I'm settled in one belief and my life is focused on that, my belief suddenly changes to something totally different and I regret whatever it is I've been doing. Like when I was feeling pantheistic I was trying so hard to be vegan, and then when I was Christian I thought, no veganism is the "doctrine of demons" so I never know what to do.Does anyone know what I'm talking about or experience anything like this?

Also, I wasn't sure whether to add this bit, since I was technically "under the influence" of prescription meds, but I'll add it anyway. When I was a teenager in the 90s I loved the manic street preachers. Then I went off them. I went to university as a mature student and by the age of 24 or 25 was struggling to cop at uni. My doctor put me on citralopram. I only took it for a few days because immediately I started getting really strong mental affects. I immediately became powerfully obsessed with the manics again. I went down to the university computer room and printed off about 100 pictures of them from the internet and covered my walls with them. Then I just lay there staring at them and got this intense,. overpowering feeling that the manics were emissaries of satan trying to lure people to hell. When I stopped taking the citralopram, the feelings went away. However recently, drug-free and sober, while feeling like a fundamental Christian, I looked back on that and felt that it was a real thing, that Satan is working through the New World Order, using rock bands including the manics, to lead people astray so that they end up in hell. I mean, I'm not the only one who thinks things like this, there are various similar theories floating about online. However, even when not under the influence of anything, I believe these things so powerfully and totally and then it just goes away. I did do magic mushrooms a lot when they were legal (2004/2005) and have done a few other drugs, but nothing at all now since then. However I'd already had a few instances of weird thinking before touching anything.

It sounds like you have some insight and that's good. Are you seeing your GP now? Can you talk to anyone in RL? Everyone needs a trustworthy friend who can gently point out when things are spiralling.

Whenever I've tried to get medical help, the doctors are useless. I went through a period of depression and at one stage it was so bad I told my doctor I was thinking of killing myself that day. They just put me on a 4 month long waiting list to talk to a counsellor. I've had lots of other let downs with doctors too. I simply won't bother with them any more. I don't have anyone to talk to IRL. I just want to know if anyone else has this problem and what it is.

Everyone has galloping thoughts sometimes- even sane people got stuck, especially if they can't check in with someone else. You do need to talk to someone. Not just in crisis, but day to day. When you believed did you go to church?

Go to the doctor and tell them everything you just told us

My DH suffers episodes of psychosis that have resulted in him suddenly having very strong religious beliefs. I'm not suggesting that is whats happening to you only that you are not the only one. I agree you need to speak to your GP about this especially as its impacting on your life so much. You could print out what you've written here and take this with you. I also think in a lot of places you can self refer to mental health services, it may be worth looking online for services in your area.

You seem to have a good insight into your own mind, I think that is a good thing. I'd be more inclined to be worried if you didn't know you were becoming preoccupied with various theories.

You sound very much like you are searching for answers that no one can give, not definitively anyway. When dd2 died I also became very worried about if I am getting it all wrong, but there is so
Many conflicting ways to turn, how can you know for sure. I just try to live the best I can, now and be at peace with that.
I hope you find your peace too

How are you OP
I heard this on the radio today, it's a comedy and the performer talks about her life and why she believed what she did but how at the end of the day, we only have one life and each day we live we only live once- not necessarily that pertinent to what you're going through but an interesting listen.

Im obsessional about things, my psychiatrist says it's my OCD and Hypomania.

I get one topic in my head and go on it for weeks/months. Confessional poetry was the last thing I obsessed about.

I find the obsession quiets the brain chatter. Obsessing soothes me, but scares me too?

If I can get myself obsessed I block out bad thoughts. Unfortunately sometimes I obsess about bad stuff.

I'm bipolar and have OCD, diagnosis isn't everything (in fact in can be a pain as if I get into something I question myself).

I can get the mystical revelation stuff, not religion for me but the world and the universe. I see special meanings that are meant for me. I'm getting better as I get older, but if I have a topic I need to know about I will use all means to gain information. My latest thing is people who died and were undiscovered for months or years. I keep diaries and files of my findings. I'm a complete obsessive, but it's not just external things. I also have ways of doing things at home that have to be 'just right'.

I think you should probably push to see someone medical to gain some real insight into what is going on.

I can't take SSRIs they make me manic and very compulsive. That was one of the reasons I was diagnosed bipolar (not saying you are) but there is something going on and you need to push for help. You have insight that it's not quite right which is a very good thing.