Post natal depression advice

[sunnydays2016]

I've named changed for this.

I have 3 dc, dc1 is 3.5, dc2 is 2 and dc3 is 4 months old. I adore them, sometimes it feels like they are my only source of happiness. I am married to dh and have been for 5 years. He is my best friend. He is an incredible father, very hands on, gets up in the night with the kids, helps with house work and gives me unconditional love and support.

So why do I feel so so empty? I often get thoughts that they would all be happier without me. I cry on and off most days. I feel so completely miserable. I have very strong bonds with the children, I do everything for them, they don't go without but sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

Dh is in the armed forces and so goes away a lot. I cope, I get on with things, I play with the kids, I kiss them and cuddle them, the house is clean and I'm laughing and joking with people. But inside I feel totally numb. I feel like I've got so used to putting up this front, people wouldn't believe me if I told them the truth. I broke down to my husband and he has said he knows I haven't been happy for a while.

does this sound like post natal depression? Or depression that just happens to be post natal (if that makes sense?)

I can't go in feeling like this with these dark thoughts creeping in. Feels like a relief admitting some of this!

Yes it does sound like it could be post natal depression. You shouldn't feel numb inside like you describe. It sounds like you have a supportive husband which is really good. Have you been to see a doctor?

I'm going to go on Friday. Hopefully they can help!

Glad you are going to see your GP OP. PN depression can be delayed and with 3 DC quite close in age, your body has had to deal with a lot of changing hormones in the last few years. I had severe PND after DD (and probably DS too who was born 2 years before her). After treatment I was a different person but can well remember that numb feeling you talk of. Your GP will be able to help

When you say you think they would be better off without you, do you mean that you don't want to be here anymore? Do you have any help when your husband is away?
It does sound like you have a lot on your plate and anyone would find it tough. But it also sounds like you are depressed. It's worth making an appointment with your GP to discuss how you feel and to see if they might be able to help.