I feel like a freak

[ClareBos]

My ds is 9 weeks and 3 days old, he's a great little guy and apart from a few digestive problems he's brought us a lot of joy already.

I've started getting out and about and meeting other new Mums, but I'm having trouble making any connections I feel enthusiastic about. Whenever I go to a group or a class I'm reminded of school and I found it difficult enough to make friends at school the first time round. Don't get me wrong, I'm not shy and retiring, neither am I one of those in your face I'm-all-crazy-I-am people. But I do like to think that I'm on the freaky side of normal.

I have plenty of non-Mum friends and our friendships were formed through a mutual love of indie music, trashy tv, computer games, real ale and performance poetry. None of us are too bothered with face cream, the gym, yoga, gm diets and other more girly stuff. All the Mums I've met so far seem to not be like me and my friends at all. Let's put it this way, my husband and I have a playstation, an x-box and a nintendo, but only 1 set of matching towels.

Added to this I have a huge class hang up, I'm nouveau riche (the most vulgar of all the social classes) which always makes me feel inferior to anyone with a better house/better manners than me, and there are plenty of people like that in North London. Everyone seems to be posh, the irony is that I'm probably one of the few Mums who had their child in a private hospital. (See - money, but no class). It doesn't help that both my husband and I have talents in artistic fields. And that I was more than happy to give up the day job to be a SAHM and concentrate on a few non-baby related projects (not that I've had the time yet).

So here's the point of this rant. Is there anyone else out there like me? Are there any Mums who didn't have room for a Bugaboo in their tiny but expensive flat? Any women who's babies have already seen Star Wars but won't be Christened? Any one who plays Warcraft with junior on their knee? Any artists/writers/musicians/film maker Mums? Are any of you in North London? Or am I just a freak.

If it helps, I know what you mean. I am not in North London, and I don't game that much (except Guitar Hero II) and I am not that artistic (although I do write poetry) and as the name suggests, I prefer Rock to indie. But what I really agree with is that I hate all this perfect nails, let's go to a spa and dress in Gucci shit. Alot of Mum's these days wish they were WAGS (dreadful invention). So no you're not a freak!! I am outgoing, but don't like this "new breed" of parent....terrifying.

I DO know where you are coming from (tho I am not in the least bit "riche") ALL my friends post baby have nicer houses, better incomes, cars... BUT I swore on having children I would not get dragged into the whole rat race thing of keeping up with others as it only leads to unhappiness.

I have no idea what they all think of me (my nickname at school was "SPaceCadet" so i didn't fit in too well either) BUT I like to think I bring a much needed sense of "difference" to our group of buddies and while I don't bang on about my slightly different lifestyle choices, I don't keep them under my hat either.

So I'd say, celebrate your difference and bring abit of variety into their lives.

Your baby is still so small... is it really that important for you to 'fit in' with other local mums? School gates are some way off yet.

How about trying to do activities that you'd enjoy, and keeping an eye out for other mums while you're doing it? I'm thinking mother and baby video screenings, visit music shops with junior in a sling, get junior to sleep in his anti-bugaboo and get out in the evening with you dh for a poetry reading...

not video - cinema. (!)

Parks can be surprisingly good for meeting people - you can 'check people out' from a distance without pressure to talk, but if you do want to chat to someone, it is natural enough to just head in the same direction to shops or whatever. I've made it sound like dating!

Oh Rocklover - I LOVE Guitar Hero, what's not to love?

It feels as though people like me aren't supposed to have children. We drift around doing day jobs and following our dreams at the weekends, not fitting the marketing paradigms quite as we should, but we don't usually settle for long enough to have kids.

I like the idea of blowing these ladies minds with a slightly different outlook. It's just quite an undertaking.

you are not a freak

you need to put your hang ups to one side however and enjoy your life with your DS and DH !!

do what you do, and rise above any thoughts of freakishness...you are thinking other people will think you are odd...well, they are too busy getting on with their busy lives to worry about you !!

i'm not any of the things you have mentioned, but i don;t have a bugaboo either, nor am i in london !!

i;m just me, doing my thing, with my kids and not really caring about my social status /class or what anyone thinks !

does that sound mean? if so, that is not my intention !

Yes Kif, I know he's still small (although actually he's a big fat bruiser baby!)My problem is that I don't have any family nearby and a lot of my friends have day jobs so I get quite lonely in the day.

And I'm not so bothered what they think of me, I've got a lot of experience of being the odd one out. In many ways it's more what I think of them!

why don;t you start a mums and babies group? put up flyers and posters at places you like to go, looking for like minded mums?

be happy with yourself there is nothing wrong with doingthings you want when they ar elittle dd's bed time stories from 2- 3 when she wanted picture books was the reading I had to do to get on my degree course. With ds it's the reading I need to do for the degree, all ina lovely singsong voice.
Make sure you do one fabulous thing a day or week and you will be fine.

I know what you mean when you talk of your family being far away, ClareBos. Don't make friends with other mums just because you are lonely. You can end up getting into all sorts of awful situations that are worse and you could find yourself crying out to be alone! Also, you may find friends in unexpected places and people may not always turn out to be what you first thought! The most unlikely people may turn out to be great sources of support. When you don't have family close by I found that my friends took the place of them and a great job they do too. Stay true to yourself.....

You love Guitar Hero? Cool...can you do the hard level yet? It's doing my head in!!

No-one can do the hard level on guitar hero -not even real life guitarists.

Perhaps you just haven't found the right group yet... there are plenty to choose from in london. IME the best ones are the less well known one run by volunteers (vs the 'mainstream' ones run by hvs/nct) - when you're stuck for conversation with another mum, pick her brains for nice places to go.

Make allowance for hormones too - you're likely to feel a bit vulnerable - perhaps give groups two or three visits before you write off all the mums.

And pressing buttons is so last season.

HAVEN'T YOU GUYS HEARD OF THE WII

I completed pokemon, pikmin and made a good go at animal crossing GC when my DD was small.

I do know what you mean - I don't tick all your boxes - I do the girly thing, but dh and I are definatly 'creative' types and I don't mean scrapbooking or cardmaking. BTW -nothing wrong with scrapbooking etc, just not for me. Dh is an ex clubbing designer/artist and I used to be a producer before I stopped to be a SAHM.

I found it very hard in the beginning and had a similar set of concerns to you, however being a mother has taught me many things including not to be quite so judgemental.

My now best friend is someone I totally dismissed when we met with tiny babies as she was as 'straight' as can be and her dh wore a donald duck tie! In the beginning I met her for coffee because we lived nearby, had babies the same age adn I didn't know anyone else. I kind of learnt to enjoy people who were different to me and realised that often (not always) that it didn't matter that we had totally different taste. My friend and her bad taste wearing h are totally fab and turned out to be completely barking - in a great way.

I think you have to give it a chance.

I am a very judgemental person, although I tend to save my worst judgements for myself. I think I need to step back a bit and stop trying to do what I've been told to. ds needs to fit into my life, the same way I need to fit into his.

As usual the Mumsnetters come up with great suggestions and make me feel better!

Well said - remember he's ultimately a new member of your family team, not a job with a protocol you have to stick to.

Gosh what is a bugaboo?!
I've never really felt that i fitted in with 'normal stuff' and 'normal people'.
I just do my own thing as does my dp.
We have friends that I guess other people would look down their noses at, but thats their problem, they're good friends to us and thats what matters.
I do like matching towels though and like my nails done, but thats what makes ME odd out of the people i know.
We're all different, give the other folk a chance and you might be suprised at how unnormal they are

I am in N London - I don't have a bugaboo either!!! Where are you? I met some really normal people at my ante natal class - there really are some nice normal people out there..love the star wars thing. I am back to work soon but I do think it might be easier if you try to meet some new mums to do things with...can get very boring otherwise. p.s. I love the fact that I had baby in private hospital - it was such a rest - thinking of havig another so I can get the 5 relaxing days off again!!! Now that is wierd!!!!!!!

I think I'd get on OK with you- I love Star Wars and I pmsl @ matching towels. I'm used to being around people far posher than me and with far more money, but I don't really notice/judge those things. Nowhere near N London though. You'll have to move to Devon- loads of people like that Totnes/kingsbridge/dartmouth way.

its just a pram ladies

what is the big deal??!!!

not a political statement
not meant to get mentioned on a thread
meant to transport my baby
honestly purchased with my own money
not worthy of such derision

explain what's the big deal bout bugaboo