Previous thread deleted but I still need your support

[maybethedayafter]

My other thread started about me and my OH possibly separating but we then went on to have an(other) argument and I got to the lowest point I have ever got where I considered ending my life. I reached out to my OH and told him what I had considered and that I was scared. He looked after me, we talked and have decided not to separate (he didn't want to at any point and in hindsight I only wanted to because I just want something to change). I am suffering from PND and I've not got over the trauma of my DCs premature births, especially my eldest who was very ill. I feel guilty and so sad for what they had to go through. I am taking anti depressants and having CBT but neither is as effective as it could be given what I considered yesterday. I know I need to go to my GP and ask for more help but it's so difficult. I'm scared my children will be taken away if I admit I've had suicidal thoughts. Lots of people have told me that won't happen but I don't even want it to be questioned. I'm so scared.

Huge hugs to you. As you know you do need to talk to your GP. For me it was as the antidepressants kicked in that I considered suicide. I think that as they started to kick in I actually started to feel motivated enough to do something. The fact that you have had these thoughts and turned away from them and to your OH for support is a positive thing. Keep reaching out and seeking support, you are already taking positive steps towards recovery.

It is the odd thing about depression..
When I was at my darkest, I couldn't see the sun even on a bright cloudless sky.. Time has dulled that pain and Now I can hardly remember how I felt.

Every now and then as the song goes, "Hello darkness my old friend. You have come to talk to me again".. I feel very uncomfortable. But recognising it, it is different to when I just felt dispair. It is part of who I am.

Prof..