Mumsnet setting off my anxiety

[Blueisthemagicnumber]

A few weeks ago I started a thread in AIBU (I know). The terminology I used was taken in the wrong context, and I was called all sorts of names. I tried defending myself and it got worse, and the thread was eventually deleted.

It caused all my anxiety to come flooding back, awful ocd thoughts. It was a genuine mistake on my part, and my reaction to feel totally worthless about myself, feel completely self doubt about my morals and values and how I see myself as a person.

I know those people don't know me. They just read a stupid comment that I didn't think about properly before I posted

I did really well with counselling over the past two years, until it finished for various reasons. I just wanted to speak to my counsellor so she could reassure me that I wasn't this person that the commenters attributed to me.

As an example, it was as if I had made an off the cuff comment about people being gay, and being accused of being homophobic. (It wasn't that, just don't want to out myself, quite happy for people to be any sexuality, as long as they are happy with mine)

I have been telling myself I am not that person they accused me of being, I have never been that person, I will never be that person. The negative thoughts of reading those 120 posters saying I was, is stronger though.

Thank you for reading, and please don't attack me for trying to reach out.

I am having trouble hiding threads. It takes me to a page where it tells me I have no threads hidden, but no option how to hide threads. I am on an IPad if that helps?

Are you using the mobile site? If you scroll to the top of the page it will say talk > mental health (or whatever topic you're in). There's a down arrow on the right. Click that to bring up a menu with hide thread on it.

Here's what you're looking for...

Thank you. I worked it out finally.

My life is calmer & more pleasant without MN.

However, I miss my friends here & the (now only occasional) funny threads.

It was going downhill, but it zoomed down after P3ni$ B3aker thread - it seems to have attracted a large number if 'hard if thinking' posters. I wish we could turn the clocks back. Unfortunately we can't & even more unfortunately MNHQ seem to promote these stupid bloody threads.

💐 You HAVE to find a way not to take it personally, because the fuckwits REALLY have no idea who you are as a person & just like to spout shite, it's not about YOU it's about THEM. Really, 'let it go' 💐

I am sorry you have had a hard time, I don't think you are alone. I very rarely start threads on here for that reason and try not to post about personal stuff. If I am feeling low or vulnerable I try to stay away from MN because IMO it is not a site for people who are not ready to handle the inevitable kicking and shit that will get thrown your way. I made the mistake once of posting on here during a very difficult time and it pushed me over edge and I ended up sobbing to the doctor begging for pills and I am one tough hard nosed bitch.

My advice would be that until you feel stronger hide AIBU and don't start threads or discuss anything personal. I often follow threads and answer in my head rather than put myself out there to be attacked.

Good on you for posting this. Hopefully it will be a nice reminder to most that there is a person behind the post.

for you. Take it easy and remember no one is perfect and your doing the best you can

I know how you feel, I was called mental, and told to get in the bin when I asked for help dealing with a trigger point for the abuse ex used to dish out, and this was in the relationships topic. Ex used to say I deserved all I got and no one would believe me cos I was mental, so I guess he was right.

I'll never come here for help again.

I didn't see any thread but for you OP and you too idrinkandiknowstuff, that sounds really really hard.

There's a book called The 4 Agreements by Ruiz and one of the agreements is that you don't take anything personally - that people are only ever speaking from their own issues (whether that's hurt, guilt, regret, confusion, socialization, whatever) and that this will affect their responses to you. So in some ways it's not even about you, it's about where they're coming from, what's their vulnerabilities etc. It's really interesting to read in detail because suddenly a lot more things become clear about people online and IRL. It's not the answer of course, and hard to do sometimes, but it's a different way of looking at things. It's only a small book but it may help you feel less anxious.

Thanks for all the lovely support. And to those sharing their difficult times too.

I have learnt to care less and invest less in rl to cope with things. Some people call me selfish, but actually I am the most important person in my life, and I have to come first.

Off here until Saturday, but feel free to comment, and I'll chat then.