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Dealing with terminal illness

5 replies

traci8 · 30/01/2007 16:39

My uncle has had cancer for 3 years, it's terminal and they can do no more for him apart from carry on with the chemo to extend his life as much as possible, even then it is probable that he will not last the year. He's only 42.

I've never been close to him, before he got ill it had been years since I'd seen him but since this got as serious as it has I've seen him more or less every week, before he got bed/chair ridden we exchanged emails, he advised me on my own problems (as if he didnt have enough of his own!) we exchanged daft texts, usually taking the piss out of other family members (not in a nasty way) and we've had a laugh, as much as possible anyway.

I've tried not to think about how seriously ill he is at all, I've cried over it once.

I went to see him today, he's stuck in a chair, needs 24 hour care, has nothing at all to look foward to, his eyes are black, he's constantly tired and he knows he doesn't have long left.

I came away feeling so sad, what must it be like to be 42 and confined to a chair unable to do anything for yourself and knowing that you've probably seen your last christmas? it's so unfair and I feel so helpless, how can someone die a slow death in front of you and you can't do a thing to help them?

I'm sure others on here must've dealt with similar situations...?

OP posts:
bubblerock · 30/01/2007 16:50

Sorry to hear how sick your uncle is Traci, there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, but try to cherish these good times that you are having now - maybe you wouldn't have found such a good friend if he hadn't become ill, you may not have got to know this wonderful man at all! Take care xx

Kelly1978 · 30/01/2007 16:50

I have no experience, but didn't want to let this drop off active comvos, so a bump for you.

Barbiehair · 01/02/2007 18:04

Hi
My husband died 6 months ago from cancer at the age of 34. Although a different relationship, you are dealing with it in a very similar way. We wanted to make the best of everything that we could and just have a normal life as possible. It's so hard seeing someone you love fade away before your eyes. We had the opportunity to say everything before he died which is very important to me now. Don't worry about asking him his advice with your own problems. My husband got very frustrated that he couldn't help me more than he did. A few days before he died we were worried that he was upset so I asked him if he was scared of dying and he said he wasn't. Only you can decide whether you want that conversation with your uncle. I assume that you have some contact with a hospice. Please use their support, they will help you through this time as much as they can.

Blandmum · 01/02/2007 18:08

My husband has terminal cancer. We are both 44. Your uncle may well be helped by the chemo, it has helped my dh no end. Before xmas he was in bed all day. Now he has a quality of life.

In the end you cope because you have no choice.

Symptom relife if very good nowerdays. Is he seeing macmillan nurses? If not, try to get them involved, they are wonderful

Crazydazy · 01/02/2007 18:09

So sorry for you all - its unimaginable

Cannot begin to think how I would carry on without my close family.

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