Can I sensitivity seek advice from those that suffered abuse as a child please?

[Anothernamechanger1]

I have 2 DC and when I was married to their dad I was physically and mentally abused. I did my best and thought the kids were sheltered from it as I would walk away etc. I managed to seperate when they were 1and 3 and I only found out last year he had abused them during the times I had forced them to go to his house EOW. I say forced as I feel that's what I did and I will never forgive myself for that. The eldest would scream and shout he didn't want to go and ex would pick him up and take him. They were fine when I collected them....

Anyway that was 6/7 years ago. Eldest has ASD severe anxiety and is aggressive when anxious. He often will hurt me when in a meltdown. His poor younger DC also sometimes gets the brunt. Eldest is under Camhs. When they go back to school I am seeking therapy to try to come to terms with what happened as I didn't tell anyone.

What I would like from you if it doesn't hurt too much, is what can I do for them? Iv seen another post when the poor person was absused aa a child and it's still affecting her deeply as an adult. How can I help my poor babies? I know there is no fix as such but can anyone share with me what helped them?

They don't have any contact from him now obviously as I don't allow it and they don't want to see him anyway. So haven't been in his care approx 18 months.

I just want to help them as best I can and any guidance on what to do or not would be great and how that helped you etc...

Anybody?

Don't want to leave unanswered but I'm not too much use.

Firstly, it's not your fault that your children were hurt. You forced your kids to go to their dads but if you hadn't the courts would have made you anyway. It's a common thing that kids don't want to go but especially when they are younger they are not seen as being able to make that decision for themselves. So, you did the right thing at the time, and when you found out what happened you took action. You could not have predicted what would have happened, and the ill treatment that you received from your ex would not have affected recommended contact with the kids. It does sound like you need to speak to someone as this is clearing weighing on your mind

Thank you danger. I just want to make sure I do everything I can (even if I have to pay more money) to try to help them. As I say, Iv hear of adults that are still deeply affected by it and I know from experience nothing can take away what has happened and I'm not belittling it all, as I have first hand experience. I just wondered what has helped adults come out the other end. Iv only dealt with it as an adult If you see what I mean