Did you have a mother with MH problems?

[dangermouseisace]

I'm curious as there seems to be many people posting here with bad experiences of parents with MH problems.

I worry about my kids. I know they love me. But I'm nearly divorced from their father and wonder whether it would be better if they lived with him and his trollop sorry partner rather than me. We split up because he was having an affair…financial problems from him before that, but he doesn't have any MH issues. I can't help but feel that even if I am 'well' it is selfish for me to have them, as they may well be better off with their dad who is definitely more steady/reliable. When I'm 'well' I'm probably more sensitive to their needs than he is, but when I'm not I'm just awful. As there has been a lot of unwell over the past few years I am concerned that being exposed to that sort of thing for too much of their lives is not good, that a steady life with fewer extremes would be better. ExDH partner likes my kids and I know she wanted her own but I think she may have missed the boat on that one. Therefore I know that they would be well looked after.

I am genuinely curious. My mum had MH problems and dad didn't but I would have rather lived with my mum given the choice. I don't want that to influence any decision that I make. I know that ex DH was thinking of going for custody of kids around Christmas this year as my solicitor told me and I'm thinking that I could well be being selfish having them with me.

Please hang on to the thought that as long as your are trying your best to do the most you can for your children you are doing the right thing. My mother has BPD and while I still love her as my mother, I don't love what her illness has made her become.
Since I was a teenager she has swung between depression and mania which meant we weren't parented properly / if at all, which has led to some small, but most likely avoidable dental problems for me which have caused additional & ongoing pain and expense.
IIf you have support from SS and they are happy you are doing a good job, and most importantly your children are happy to stay with you, then when you are in a dark and lonely place please don't give up and keep hanging on to those positive thoughts.

If you are recognising when you have gone wrong and talk to your children about it that is really positive and important.
My relationship with my mother has effectively reversed and I feel like I am the parent who has to constantly keep watch on what she does. I have taken over several big responsibilities she couldn't cope with which have affected my relationship with my husband and put my own life plans on hold. I try and help her as much as possible, but most of the time I am the bad guy who is out to get her, and we are currently not speaking.
Do your best to communicate and have a relationship with your children, recognise where you have gone wrong and seek help where needed - you cannot do more than that.

happyfrown it sounds like you have so much going on in your head it would be difficult to enjoy being a mum. I do hope things improve for you soon.

pixellady it sounds like your relationship with your mother is hard work. I hope she stops seeing you as the bad guy soon.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it seems like the person who did the ok parenting was a completely different being to who I am…unrecognisable as me.