Mood up and down

[mostimproved]

Not sure why I'm posting but I feel quite alone.

My diagnosis is depression and anxiety but I have seen a psychiatrist who suggested this may not be fully correct, however now I'm without professional help I don't have anything else to go on. So assuming it's depression and anxiety I'm experiencing, I am having huge mood swings that are really tiring me out. For example last week my suicidal thoughts were really strong and I spent hours on a bridge gearing up to jump off it, then eventually called the crisis team and spent the next two days in bed doing nothing, literally just lying there and dozing in and out of sleep. A few days later I almost instantly snapped out of it and quickly felt the opposite, I was absolutely buzzing and running around cleaning, writing, cooking etc and just generally full of energy. This has worn off and as much as I'm trying hard to do my distraction techniques/safety plan etc I feel I'm slipping back into deep depression again. If I do manage to do anything e.g go for a walk I don't get any satisfaction out of it, I just feel more tired.

I'm on 100mg sertraline but I don't feel that makes much difference. I'm finding it so hard not knowing what my mood will be from one day to the next, and I feel the only way to deal with it is to almost separate myself from this other part of me that controls my mood, not that it makes much sense.

That sounds tiring.
You need to fight for a proper diagnosis and medication/treatment.
You'll get there and then life will be alot easier.
What you're experiencing isn't normal or acceptable and you won't feel like this forever.
Hassle the GP/psych etc.

When did the mood swings start? Can you get another appointment with the psychiatrist?

It started about a month ago while I was staying in a crisis house as an alternative to hospital. I am waiting for CBT at the moment so whenever I try to get any other help I am just told to wait for the CBT referral to come through. I might just self refer back to the crisis team and insist they let me see their psychiatrist.

I don't know if it helps but I found that my mood went up and down when I was starting to get better...kind of a transition period. Just that you say this hasn't been going on very long- it could be that. I found keeping a note of what was going on when useful. Also trying to reign in the 'up' days a bit it's easy to go OTT and exhaust yourself even though it feels good at the time! Have you got anyone from the MH team involved with you at present?

Hi dangermouse, I've seen some of your recent posts and hope you're feeling OK and not struggling too much at the moment. Yeah I am hopeful I am getting better, have been meaning to keep a diary of my moods and will definitely try to do that from now on. I have been writing a list of things to get done each day, just small stuff like put washing on, wash my hair, do yoga and I think underneath I will also write down how I'm feeling that day.

I'm not involved with any MH team at the moment. In my area there is a Crisis Resolution Team who do home visits and referrals to other services, and they have now discharged me because they say they can only look after people short term, and in order to get referred for the CBT I couldn't be under any other services at the same time. I feel stuck between the two - better than I was before so probably too 'well' for the crisis team, but struggling without any support. Hence I have taken to posting on public forums instead . After keeping all my feelings firmly hidden away for my whole life, suddenly talking to my GP and other professionals has broken the seal and I feel a constant need to keep talking about it so I don't go back into the state I was before.

Anyway I hope it's just that I am getting better. The grey area between being in crisis and being fine is a difficult place to live in but I am trying very hard to come out on the right side!

It's important to keep talking definitely. Your local situation sounds complicated- lots of opportunities for people to fall down gaps. I hope your CBT comes through soon. I'm ok-ish trying to do the same as you really- not end up as bad as I was

Hi Mostimproved, I've just read a wonderful post you wrote on another thread and commented on it, then saw your name again. Well done you, again!

From what I read on here the MHS seem to be a minefield, I only have experience of trying to get counselling after my mum died and everything was getting on top of me and the GPs couldn't provide anything. Everything seems geared to physical illness doesn't it and the MH is either not there or seems confusing! Anyway I really hope you can get any help you need and continue,hopefully, improving. Your second paragraph was alarming and I'm very glad things got better at that time.

Thanks forcryinoutloud, glad you thought it was a helpful post! I normally just ramble but glad it made a bit of sense

MH services are indeed a minefield, I have actually had good care during my crisis which I am grateful for, but outside of the crisis care there are just so many gaps, and people with MH issues often don't have the energy or inclination to navigate the system.

I'm still struggling with low mood but just carrying on distracting myself, the only thing worrying me is that I will just be 'distracting' from negative and intrusive thoughts forever. Will keep trying to listen to/help others though as it is comforting sometimes.