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Mental health

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Original poster

Having children has ruined my life

17 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 08/08/2016 09:38

I wish I'd never had them and I will be advising my daughter in particular not to have any. It's 99.99% misery, guilt and drudgery. I never get anything done. It takes me fucking hours to leave the house - which is a tip by the way - I look dreadful all the time, most days I don't even get chance for a shower. I wish someone would come and take them away because my life is over. I'm a dreadful mother.

OP posts:

Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 08/08/2016 09:54

In fact I'd like to have then adopted but my husband would never agree to it. My other option is to leave my husband with the children and move out.

OP posts:

longdiling · 08/08/2016 09:57

How old are your children? You've posted in mental health, are you already diagnosed with anything? You sound utterly overwhelmed but not remotely like a bad mother. You wouldn't be consumed by motherhood if you were.

waffles1990 · 08/08/2016 09:58

How old are your children?

Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 08/08/2016 10:01

They ds is 7, dd is 7 months. I've got a PND diagnosis. I just don't want to do it anymore. It's brought me so much unhappiness.

OP posts:

ayeokthen · 08/08/2016 10:01

Don't advise your daughter not to have any children, that will be her choice when the time comes. My DM has several mental health issues and to say I felt unwanted during my childhood is an understatement. Have you spoken to your GP about this? Do you have support in RL?

Original poster

Throughautomaticdoors · 08/08/2016 10:04

Nothing helps. I don't want to make my children feel like that, it isn't their fault. I'd like to go to sleep and not wake up. I think that's the answer a lot of the time.

OP posts:

LovelyTrees · 08/08/2016 10:06

You say nothing helps. What have you tried so far?

CathFromCooberPedy · 08/08/2016 10:08

It is hard, and if you've been diagnosed with pnd then it can feel so much harder. When l had dd1 l used to think my life was ruined, but you know it wasn't. It was just very different.

You need more help and support. Does your dh know how you are feeling?

MigGril · 08/08/2016 10:09

I can't tell you you'll never not feel like that as I'm not you. But you have a 7 month old baby and have just been diagnosed with PND so your bound to be feeling low about evething.

Go easy on yourself, the house is going to be a bit hard to keep on top of epically now during the school holidays. Do you have any other rl support lithe then your DH. Can they come and help at all?

I was never to bothered about being dressed, but if it's something that bothers you can you get up and showered before your DH leaves for work. This was one thing one of my friends always did she said she then felt she could face the rest of the day.

longdiling · 08/08/2016 12:23

How long ago were you diagnosed op? Have you any real life support? You sound really poorly :(

ayeokthen · 08/08/2016 12:31

OP, I'm sorry if my post sounded judgemental, it wasn't meant to. You sound so low, have you had counselling? I've been where you are, thankfully it's controlled with meds but I still have days where I think they're all better off without me. Are you able to get some time without the kids?

ayeokthen · 08/08/2016 12:33

Also, the house being a shit tip when you have small children is normal. I have OCD, two toddlers and a messy 9 yo and DP. I could literally cry at the state of the house most days, it really gets me down. Even if I'm cleaning from sun up to sun down its not enough. Are you getting enough sleep?

Msqueen33 · 08/08/2016 12:36

Big hugs. Two of my three kids have Sen and life frankly can be a fucking nightmare. As I type this my youngest autistic child is outside screaming because one of her siblings doesn't want to go outside. I've not showered and frankly today I can't be bothered. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Are you getting enough time to yourself at weekends? X

bigfriendlygiant · 08/08/2016 13:07

Similar to ayeokthen my mum had a couple of MH diagnoses during my childhood and felt like you do. This is years ago when MH services were non-existent. She now has the support and medication she needs, is a different person and a very good mother and grandmother - too late to redo our childhoods but we'll take it.

Please get help, it's available now.

ayeokthen · 08/08/2016 15:26

bigfriendlygiant absolutely, MH services in the 80s were appalling! My mum is a different woman now!

PeppersTheCat · 19/04/2018 19:05

wtf help is available now? ive had counselling and pills and still have terrible pnd.

Benandhollysmum · 22/04/2018 19:38

You are not a dreadful mother, you’re just a mum who is finding it just a wee bit hard to cope and you are struggling. So your homes a tip! Is anybody expecting a palace when you have a baby?
You have postnatal depression, it’s an illness and everything you feel is because you have illness. But deep down you love them kids more than anything.
Who is helping you? Is there anyone out there that can help you like your mum or his mum? What’s your husband doing to help? Nobody out there who can babysit the kids a few hours a week to give you some me time or help you tidy the house?

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