I'm starting to believe my OCD thoughts

[cantcope2016]

I have OCD and intrusive thoughts which I've had since childhood. So last night I was in bed and got an intrusive thought that what if I throw my baby (7 weeks old) against something like the wardrobe or something and the thoughts really scared me. I would NEVER want to do this but my OCD has convinced me that I did do this to him but I just can't remember and what if I did it and blacked out. One part of me thinks it's just ridiculous but another side of me is convinced I did it but at the time he was lying in my chest just after a breastfeed and I'm convinced I threw him, got up, picked him up and put him back in my chest all without realising or remembering. My OCD has got worse since having him .

you poor thing
those kind of intrusive thoughts happen all the time to women who have just had babies, but with your history I would seek some help from a professional to help you manage the situation. It sounds so distressing for you.

You did not throw your baby - hold on to that fact.

Do you have someone with you?

Hope you are feeling ok?

Thank you

It's a horrible thing to live with. I just want to enjoy my baby. All i do is worry about hurting him when I don't want to as I love him so much. Makes me cry.

I really think if you got some help you would be able to push past these terrible thoughts. Do speak to your midwife.

I had exactly the same thoughts as you describe when my son was a newborn up to around 18 months. My OCD definitely got worse before and after his birth. If you are not on anti-depressants, try to get to the Drs and get some prescribed. Also, tell your health visitor/Dr if you feel able. I found venlafaxine helped me; it dulled my anxiety a lot. I ended up on them at the start of the Millennium when my son was around 14 months old. By the May (2000) I felt a lot calmer. Yoga is also good to calm you down. My son is going on 18 this Autumn and for most of that time, my OCD has been a lot more manageable. You did NOT throw your son and not remember - this is impossible! Please seek help - meds and/or therapy will help you. I agree it is Hell on earth having this kind of fear of hurting those you love so much. Brain Lock by Geoffrey Schwartz is an excellent book too...if it's any consolation/reassurance (though people with OCD are not meant to keep seeking this) real psychos/sociopaths are not meant to be troubled by worries about harming people. The fact you are so anxious proves you care greatly for your little baby. The Imp of the Mind is also a good book, but I can't remember the author, sorry. All the best to you, cantcope.