If you have been depressed since childhood will it ever get better?

[sparkle789]

I've been depressed since I was a child. I have spent 20years feeling like this. The last 10 I've been on medication and had cbt. I am better than I was a few years ago, but I still have bad patches. I can feel that in sliding back into one. I've not long been discharged from the Mht, I'm on the highest does already for my meds. I can't face changing them again, I don't want to go back to the gp again and say I'm struggling.
Is this just how it will always be. I don't know what normal is, I am so sick of this cycle.
Do you think it's possible that one day I'll just be ok?

I was very depressed from a very young age, the cause of my depression was 'someone' and how that someone treated me from the age of 6yrs to 16yrs. When they were removed from my life I continued feeling depressed (along with other mental health issues) for another 10 years. I honestly thought it would never ever go away, I was so exhausted from it.

Gradually though the good days increased and the bad days decreased. It was a long process, medication helped me but it took a long time to find the right one for me. It also took a very long time to find the right psychiatrist and there were days I just wanted to give up.

So to answer your question, yes, it can get better. I never would have believed it myself back when I was in my pit of dispair, it just didn't seem possible.

Aside from medication and psychiatrists there is a lot you can do for yourself - I really believe that the most instrumental person/thing in dealing with depression is the person themselves.

I never have a 'bad day' any more, I do have days where I feel a bit low but nothing at all like before.

Things that helped me -

Forcing myself to get dressed every morning and go to the shop. It made me go out and forced me into a routine. The fresh air did me good.

I wrote (still do) 3 things I am grateful for every single day.

I made myself be just a little more social. My automatic response to an invitation was 'no thanks' - now I will occasionly say yes.

I am kind to myself. WOW did I used to beat myself up mentally, no wonder my confidence was zero. I will sometimes look in the mirror and tell myself I'm looking great today. I can now accept a compliment (a big thing for me).

I ditched black clothes. I wasn't goth but I could understand how I could be mistaken for one. I went to the charity shop and bought brighter clothing, nothing neon or anything like that but whites, yellows. It really perked me up.

Taking care of my appearance. I never used to give a shit, some days I still don't. However I do always feel better if I've just put a bit of mascara on and styled my hair rather than just scraping it back in a ponytail. I'll never be a fake tan, full face make kind of person though.

Sticking up for myself. I learnt how to deal with toxic people. Some I have cut out of my life forever and it feels great.

Self help for depression, in my opinion, is crucial, you can't rely on someone else to fix you.