Dissociative personality disorder?

[Saltanshake]

I've just started seeing a new guy who had already told me that he has ptsd due to trauma experienced whilst serving in the military, and today has come out and told me that he has a diagnosis of dissociative personality disorder too.

He is so lovely and to my mind one of the sanest people I've met in a long time. We have loads in common, a real connection and our values are very much the same. I'd really like to know more about this and how this may affect him in our relationship though? Obviously I will talk to him further but not seeing him for a bit now and looking for some more info in the meantime. Thanks

Is that multiple personality disorder?

It's different for everyone. I don't have a DID diagnosis and don't think my issues are quite bad enough to warrant one, but lots of dissociation issues. My DH hasn't really researched it and just goes along with what I tell him about me, and what we come across, as he says that's what matters anyway.

I'm not sure, he called it dissociative personality disorder? I've googled and it's saying dissociative identity disorder is another name. He says basically he hears voices and they have distinct personalities and names etc.

This is a good place to get information, if you want to though www.pods-online.org.uk/

Multiple personality disorder is what it used to be called.

Thanks Bursars apparently he says he's always had the symptoms as long as he can remember but never thought anything of them and was diagnosed with his ptsd. That is my feeling, like your dh too I kind of feel it's not affecting my interaction with him so he needs to really only tell me what he feels he needs to tell me.

I have DID. I have distinct 'characters' who are me but also very much not the me that is writing this message now. Only this me and three, maybe four others.
My partner knows but we haven't discussed them in detail. He knows their characteristics but not their names etc.
I have only ever fully dissociated with him once and he was brilliantly calm. Occasionally I will wake up dissociated and I will only find out because he will tell me in the morning.
I am very happy to answer any questions you have. Thank you for not running away from him the minute he told you. x

I have experience of being around someone with an official diagnosis of dpd.

Your dp downplaying it somewhat. There is a core or host personality, which is constant for a period of time, but not necessarily permanent. This is likely who you are falling in love with.
Then there are a number of "Alters". They have their own names, clothes, likes, dislikes and personalities. The differences can be extreme. One of his Alters may not like you, or protest the relationship, or you may well not like them. This is hugely stressful.

He may not be aware of all his Alters, they may well hide stuff from him. But I would ask about them, names, likes, potential dangers, and if they ALL LIKE YOU. He probably has at least one child like Alter....he really should speak with you about it in depth.

I'm happy to talk about this more over pm if you think I can help.

On the plus side, you may well like his Alters. None of them are necessarily crazy or bad. He cannot help this, if he has a diagnosis it isn't put on or something controllable. There are no drug treatments, and integration through therapy is rarely successful, but he may well still be lovely, even with this problem.

Thank you both. I definitely wasn't running away like I say he's lovely, and he's very open to talking about it with me further. But I do feel I need to be aware of possible implications. I'm having trouble understanding the dissociation part, will I find at times I'm interacting with a whole different person? I will pm you Highway thanks

Yes, at times, should an Alter take over, it will seem to be a whole different person, even down to the way they speak. I generally noticed before the person did in the end, I'd say "oh hello (Alter A), how are you?". I'd be careful if it was the child Alter to treat them accordingly. It took a while, but in the end it was fine. I did miss the host Alter when they weren't around, but eventually all of the Alters were comfortable with me.

Catchthetide I am I right then from what I'm reading that some people find they don't actually dissociate very often, the characters kind of just bubble along in the background?

Thanks highway, its quite complex!

I can't remember the last time I fully dissociated since that one time with my partner 18 months ago. There are MANY times (if not always) when I can sort of feel them somewhere close by (they can change order almost) but full blown dissociation when I am not 'fronting' in any way at all happens so infrequently that I can only think of 2 times in the last 3 years.

Not including when I wake up dissociated but I don't really count this as I go straight back to sleep. It's almost like sleep talking. Also my sleep is very disrupted anyway.

I have had a lot of therapy though and am definitely more integrated now than I was 5 years ago. Has he had any therapy?

Yes he's in therapy now, not sure if that is for the ptsd though. This is all very new to me I know nothing about this type of disorder. Is it usually triggered by something or can you just have it? Can I pm you Catch as I don't want to say anything to personal about him here?

Yes that is fine. Xx

I have recently had the opportunity to meet Carolyn Spring, the director of Pods the website mentioned above, she works to help inform and support therapists to work with clients with DID and has DID herself as a result of extreme childhood trauma.

I have never met anyone so helpful, supportive and positive about change, not being a victim and not letting mental illness be a label that means you cannot have a great life. I read her blog and follow her on social media and have read her book, what she says makes so much sense and has been so helpful to many people I know and work with.

Hi Karen Carolyn Spring is an amazing woman. My therapist has meet her as well.

I have DID. It's a really difficult at times.

"Yes he's in therapy now, not sure if that is for the ptsd though. This is all very new to me I know nothing about this type of disorder. Is it usually triggered by something or can you just have it? Can I pm you Catch as I don't want to say anything to personal about him here?"

DID is a response to traum - the personality splits into different parts because containing all of the traumatic experiences in one personality.

So treating his PTSD is also treating his DID.

To give you an example - imagine if you were 10 years old and went through something pyschologically overwhelming - say you witnessed a murder - a child (especially if they've been traumatised before) might unconsciously have a coping mechanism that means the entire experience is cut off from their day to day mind. The experience stays with this childlike part - it is still in the psyche but not integated into the conscious adult mind.

I disagree with the poster who says that therapy is rarely successful for integrating these experiences. It certainly helped me, it helped Carolyn Spring and all of the people she then went on to help.

Totally agree, therapy should be advocated more as a safe space to deal with things that have been "locked" away, although you will only ever get from it as much as much as you put into it so be prepared to do the work!

If you are looking for more advice or a personal perspective on this I can't recommend Carolyn Spring enough, I have found her blog, articles and her book really useful.

I have just seen that this thread is dated 2016, is there an update at all saltanshake?, did you continue to date? did he get the help he needed?