Temper and Patience problems with my 8 month old

[Danity856]

My partner and I broke up recently, I have a constant headache since around when we broke up and my sleep went down to 3 hours a night it hasn't improved. I'm struggling daily now with my patience and temper with my 8 month old girl. It's like something in me switches, it happens at bed time or in the morning (when I'm most tired) and I mentally check out with my little lovely daughter :(

For example: Yesterday DD woke up 4:45am. I tried to feed her back to sleep but she wasn't hungry, instead of cuddling her and stroking her hair to sleep like I usually would.. I felt so annoyed. I sat her down with Kiddy TV and pretty much ignored her for an hour or so while I tidied and cleaned. We usually interact all the time and are very in-tune. it really distresses her and she cries so much when she sees me ignoring her but I feel so frustrated like I can't actually look at her. I've studied infant psychology so I know how pervasively damaging it is to treat a baby like this and it happened again tonight at bedtime. I really don't have good memories of my mum, she used to treat me like this all the time but physically hurt me too, i always felt bad about myself because of it, I never became a confident person until I left home, my earliest memories are of my mum ignoring me and scaring me when i tried to interact with her. I don't want to make any of the same mistakes as my mum and I want to learn how to take control of my feelings so I can look after my baby emotionally, if you have any advice for me plese let me know, even if it's a book I can read or anything like that.

Firstly 8 month olds are demanding at the best of times, months of sleep deprivation take their toll on most people, and you've had a rough time of it.
You say you are normally really in tune, so some less than perfect incidents won't do much harm.
You are upset because you care so much about her, but it sounds like you really need some support at the moment, time in your own, the opportunity to talk and be with your feelings. Who can give you that?

Oh you poor thing, Danity. Firstly, really, really try not to be too hard on yourself. You sound like you set very high expectations for yourself and your parenting. But it will not harm your baby to have times when you are tired and frustrated. It really won't. Believe me, we have all had days like you describe. Lack of sleep is horrendous and sometimes you just have to put the baby somewhere safe and walk away for a bit.

Long term, though, you need to find a way to look after your own health- both physical and mental- so that you can be there for your DD. You need to sleep. Can you get a break from someone- DD's dad, a friend, relative, even a babysitting service? Have you spoken to your HV? They may be able to.make some suggestions. See your GP about the headaches and maybe tAlk to them about possible on x as well. I had pnd after my DD2 and it's so hard to see things in perspective. Everything seems like the end of the world, you think you're the worst parent, that things will never be any better.... does that sound familiar?

Most of all, know that you are not alone and you will get through this.

That should say possible pnd.

You poor love - so sorry you're having a horrible time. Just to reiterate what the others have said, see if you can get some help from friends/family/HV then take it with both hands. I remember feeling similarly from time to time with DD2 - a lack of sleep can really take its toll, and I had a DH to help. I got to a stage where I had to ask for help and found a sleep nanny to talk through routines and identify the pitfalls I had created. When I started to get regular sleep, things settled significantly.

Please be kind to yourself - you obviously love your baby dearly and this stage will pass. And you are NOT your mother - her mistakes will not be yours.

How are you getting on Danity?