Quitting my job because of anxiety

[plainjane1610]

I'm in a really bad place at the moment. I've always struggled with anxiety, panic attacks, depression but never been able to talk to anyone about it, apart from my oh. (not even a gp, self-diagnosing here - sorry.)

Work has always been hell for me - many everyday things make me v anxious and I almost feel like the success of the company rests solely on my shoulders - ridiculous because I'm fairly junior.

I've been working freelance for five months after a years mat leave and I am really struggling to cope. I thought working from home and part-time would really reduce my stress levels but it's ten time worse. I'm CONSTANTLY worrying about work, I'm scared to open emails, answer phone calls, I put off doing things until they become urgent. I often work in the evenings and at night, sometimes until 2 in the morning, so that I can concentrate and not become overwhelmed. I'm crying every day.

I have no headspace for anything else, even my ds which makes me feel even more guilty and upset.

I desperately want to quit and concentrate on getting better and taking proper care of my son. We would struggle financially but my oh is more concerned about my health and thinks I should quit. Thing is just the thought of having this conversation with my boss is enough to make me panic. I don't feel like I can even do one more day but how can I just quit like that? Should I tell my boss that I have mh issues? And this one is really cowardly but ... Can I do it over email?

I feel like just one more stress inducing move will push me over the edge. Help!

I would think that the working from home is actually making it worse at the minute. Because the work is now encroaching into your 'safe' area. At least with a job you leave it behind (somewhat) when you leave home unless it's unbearably stressful.
The working from home is a nightmare unless you can do something very compartmentalised that you only do from 8-10pm every Wed night or something like that. Or put some sort of structure on a working from home job. Very difficult to do that, especially if you are responding to one client's needs and those needs and demands on you are very variable during the day/over the week.
Most people who work from home also put their child into daycare of some kind because of the very stress you are describing. Even having one email hanging over you actually takes you 'away' from your child all morning because your work To Do list is stuck in your head as well.
When/if you finish work with you client, do it in a responsible and mature way so you get the reference etc etc. You have very valid reasons for leaving - your home life and your child need more resources than you expected and for that reason you are making a choice to resign my position.

Hope you get the,support you need. Hopefully some meds for the short to medium term and counselling for the medium to long term.

Best wishes.

Oh op I really feel for you- thinking of you. I know it's so horrible the anxiety- I can't believe how many physical symptoms come from it. Whatever you decide to do with work I think your dh is right you do need to see gp. My dh had to practically carry me in - complete with carrier bag for me to be sick in ( I wasn't) and dosed up on Diazapam. I'm just starting on a long road to get better- you need to take the first step - it's horrible but we're wth you xx

Thank you so much! You guys have really helped. Sadie9 that's spot on, it feels like I have nowhere to go to relax, I've actually had to go work in a cafe the last few days cos I feel sick when I sit at my desk. I still haven't got much done though . I cant believe I actually thought working from home would help my anxiety.

Thank you ohtheroses.

Thanks orchid I know exactly what you mean, I get nausea, shortness of breath and headaches. I've had this weird tingly, tightening sensation in my head - but only the right side I'm sure it's all anxiety related. I'm scared to talk to the GP but I will force myself. Just hope I don't underplay everything to keep up the facade that 'im ok' x

Hi plainjane,

Apologies for resurrecting an old thread but I'm wondering if you're feeling better now? I identify with a lot of what you said in this thread!

xx