Sorry, I don't quite know what advice I'm looking for but I feel like I have a problem and I want to tackle it but don't know where to begin.
Just now I was playing one of those 'brain training' apps on my phone. It's a game which gets progressively harder and which had friend's high scores to beat. I was playing one game and doing fairly well when the requirements changed to make it more difficult so that I was really struggling and kept making mistakes.
The sense of anger and frustration at myself just suddenly went from 0 to overwhelmed, I managed to resist throwing my phone across the room but slapped myself in the face instead. Hard, so that my ears were ringing. It took me by surprise.
To be honest the face slapping is becoming a problem - I used to self-harm by cutting but have managed to stop since October and really don't want to start but lately when I'm feeling angry this takes over instead although normally I'm in control and today it felt like I'd slapped myself especially hard and before I even knew what I was doing.
I do really struggle with feelings of failure, I have always been a bad loser at games and hate to feel j can't do something but I hate this and want to build up my resilience to it but I don't know how or where to begin.
Sorry, I don't even know what I want from this I guess I know this isn't normal but I don't know what to do to help myself.