A bad day.

[Ookmybanana]

I've had a dreadful day which has been the pinnacle of a fairly shitty 6 months. Today I just want to disappear. To run away. To become so small that no one will see me or bother me.
I'm sick of anxiety and I'm sick of depression and I am so sad that although I feel like I fight all the time against it, today it has defeated me. I hate waking up like clockwork in the early hours with my brain brain searching for something to panic or worry about. Like when you poke at a sore tooth. I hate that it's eaten at me and diminished the person I used to be. I feel like a disappointment to myself the to those who support me.
Thank you mumsnet for giving me a safe place to release.

Hi ook. I'm so sorry you feel this way. I have been where you are. It is awful to say the least.

Is there something at the root of your anxiety/depression or is it more generalised, about everything? Of course you do not need to share this information if too personal and if you are just looking to vent.

You are not a disappointment. You are struggling with a health issue. You just need a helping hand. There are things you can do to feel better. Life doesn't have to be this way. for you. You are not alone.

Thank you April for your kind reply.

It's mostly generalised anxiety, but it's been exacerbated by some work issues which have come to a head recently. A&D have been with me for 17 years and I just never fail to be surprised at how bad it can be. I'm currently still trying to function. Go into work. Put on a brave face and try so hard not to completely fall apart.

Thinking of you Are you on ADs?

Thanks Anxiety

Not currently, but I plan to make an appointment with the doctor to go back on. I do hate taking them but if it's what I need to get me back on a better path, then I will have to bite the side effect filled bullet. I was previously on a combination of sertraline, quietiapine and clomipramine which seemed to work but had quite a sedative affect. Who knows - I'll wait to see what the doctor advises.

Hey op I am thinking of you and you're not alone. There are some lovely MN peeps who will help you along the way. Stay strong and remember tomorrow is s new day xxx

Sounds like ADs are deff something to talk to your gp about...

Hate sideeffects but coping is important...