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Mental health

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Original poster

I can't go on like this for much longer trulyawful situation

44 replies

ScoobyDooooo · 20/01/2007 19:29

As some may know we are homeless & living with my mother well we also live with my abusive, aggressive brother who is 22....

Episode tonight i don't think i can ever forgive him for & i HATE him (i dont use this word lightly)

He came in drunk,moody & mouthy saying he wanted a lft down the road, i said why should my do give him a lift with the abuse he gave us this morning, we then carried on to have an almight row with him saying me & p where not happy together (which is a lie because we are) & that we always argue (which we don't we just bicker) anyway he stood infront of my face whilst i was holding my 1 yr old dd shouting "so your the happiest woman alive are ya" so yourthat happy you are smiling everyday" to which i replied yes i am thanks why you jealous? He the said your so unhappy you should send that "northern monkey about dp back to where he came from north!!! i told him not to be so bloody rude & sort his attitude out.

He then decided he would lose it & punched the living room door (this is in front of my 1yr old & also my 4 yr old)

I then shouted at him telling him to get his arse out of the house , mum was shouting at him too, i told his he was a bully & i would never forgive him, by this time we were by the front door him on the step with me inside on the dorstep holding dd still he then punched the front door where he smashed glass everywhere luckily none hit me or dd but it was everywhere, he walked off we me shouting i would never forgive him & i hated him!!

To do all this in front of my kids has devastated me, they are not brought up in violence & ds is now scared....

I have had enough he thinks he is a man he is just a bully, he bullies ds from when he wakes in the morning calling him a dickhead & a faggot!!

I feel so our lives are like this, we are a happy little family just struggling to get a house from the council, i have brought my kids up with manners & not to swear etc i just feel they are learning all the wrong things now..

On top of this i am desperatly depressed with no where to turn, i honestly can not go on like this but what the hell can we do?

OP posts:

BuffysMum · 21/01/2007 13:30

Hi Scooby I'm only in Runnymede was in Woodham when I got housing benefit (post or what although I did live next door next to a murder scene!). Have Runnymede moved onto this system? From the council tenants I know I have the impression that we're still on the points system. Anyway you can rent privately in Addlestone/New Haw etc claim housing benefit from Runnymede? Do you have enough of a deposit to rent privately even somewhere too small but at least you won't be at your mum's anymore? What is dh income can you look into help with rent costs? I can try and find out for you if you like.

nutcracker · 21/01/2007 13:33

That did actually cross my mind once Cod LOL

I used to make myself a list of 5 things a week I had to do towards getting moved. Even if they didn't work, it made me feel slightly better about it all.

What size and type of property is it you would accept Scooby ??

BuffysMum · 21/01/2007 13:39

When I had problems being accepted to rent from a private landlord I used my savings to pay 4 months up front or something also it helps to be able to do that due to the time delay of receiving HB. Would you not be better off renting privately although perhaps still a little more expensive then ending up being placed elsewhere? Sorry more info on whether you have savings/what your income is would be helpful.

Original poster

ScoobyDooooo · 21/01/2007 14:21

Sorry was just sorting the kids out.

Mums house is private rented, but still they have to take note of any problems as we are all living here & it is the dependant children which should be there concern.

We don't have much savings at the moment i think we have about £450 so it is something.

The problem with renting is we have just come out of this circle & was evicited due to the landlord wanting to move back in, if we rent a house the council will not help us at all, & for this area council really is our only option in the long term if that makes sense.

Dp wages differ because he does alot of over time & alot of weekend work so he is on between 21000 & 28600, he gets paid weekly & every week is different.

We have thought about moving out of the area & we are also on 3 other council lists but because we are classed as homeless in this borough only this borough can give us the prioity of being homeless, we are just missing the points from 2 other councils & guildford council do the bidding process to but we have not been on there list long.

I do have the motivation cod (well just about) i have been fighting them since may last yr though & have only got so far, i am going to start again on monday & see what happens....

OP posts:

Original poster

ScoobyDooooo · 21/01/2007 14:22

Nutty - the band go from A to F & we are in band D hold on i will link you to the banding info on the website..

OP posts:

Original poster

ScoobyDooooo · 21/01/2007 14:24

here this is all about the process many people are in abnd D & this is the problem if i could get into band C which i believe we should be in then we would be housed rather quickly it is just getting into the bloody band..

OP posts:

nutcracker · 21/01/2007 14:32

Christ almighty, how on earth does anyone get into Band C with criteria like that.

You know when you bid for properties, does it show you any lettings history on the site ?? I mean for example, how many properties recently have been let to a band D applicant ??

The problem you have with your brothers behavoiur is that you will only be considered for extra points/higher banding if the police are invloved unfortunatly. The council will require proof of how bad the situation is, and will want a crime or incident number, or even proof that a call was logged with the police regarding him.

Original poster

ScoobyDooooo · 21/01/2007 14:51

Well the only way you can get into band C would be to have all four things in Band D which i think we cover?

I was phoning the police until my mum asked me not to, any less stress for her i feel i need to do.

OP posts:

crimplene · 21/01/2007 15:23

ScoobyDoooo. My lovely new neighbour managed to get housed while in a simliar situation with help from her HV. Is yours any good? Or you could contact any organisation that deal with domestic violence if your HV is no good - they should be able to do the same worts of things. She did all the paperwork got the family moved a long way up the list as the situation was making her depressed and affecting her children in a very similar way. I think it only took a couple of months after the HV stepped in to be offered the house opposite us which is a really nice one. They are a very happy family now. Good luck, hope you get some breaks soon.

CODNoMore · 21/01/2007 15:25

your mum needs less tress by bootin out your terribel brother i am sorry
oyu need to act

nutcracker · 21/01/2007 15:26

But do you meet all of the criteria in band C though ? It reads like you have to meet every single thing in order to get into a band, which is ridiculous.

I know you are trying to save your mum the stress but unfortunatly, I doubt wether you will get any joy with the housing unless you are prepared to prove what he is like and for this they will want police invlovement.

nutcracker · 21/01/2007 15:28

Plus tbh, getting the police invloved may help your mum in the long run, and your brother.
Once you are rehoused, surely your brother will continue to treat your mum in the same way.

CODNoMore · 21/01/2007 15:28

brother need to get a life nad move out

nutcracker · 21/01/2007 15:29

Does your brother work ??

Original poster

ScoobyDooooo · 21/01/2007 17:52

Nutty you only need to be one of the options from each band but it says on band C you can be in this band if you are all 4 things in band D which i think we are, this is my argument with them.

I know my mum needs to do that & so does she but she feels like she is abandoning him because she is his only support stupid in know but what can i do this is her house not mine?

Yes he does work he works full-time all week, one thing he actually does do.

He has a nice side to him but he seems to be possessed by the devil most of the time & a moody so & so.

OP posts:

Original poster

ScoobyDooooo · 21/01/2007 17:54

Crimplene - My HV has been involved in all this she has written letters & even been to the council offices with me, i had alot of extra care after dd was born because i had PND so she has been with me the whole way. The sad thing is the council here does not listen to doctors or HV anymore because they now have this bidding system so they stick by what each banding is for if you dont fit the criteria tuff you stay where you are, there is no bumping you up the queue anymore, its a shame because if the system was still like that i can gurantee we would be housed by now.

OP posts:

josephjaidensmum · 29/01/2007 02:19

hi scoobydooo, its emma by the way..... incase u 4got we were talking about this on anova thread ...just found this thread couldnt find the thread we were talking on before until ysatday, im so sorry you have had no luck either. i ve been bidding and bidding but nothing and now in the 2 bed there are so many c bids just overiding the d band bids all the time, there is never really anything good on there then when there is the c bidders come out. it has been really frustrating like it sounds like it has been for you also. i have only 3 weeks on my tenancy left now and i was really hoping i would win on something this round but i just had a look and there lots of c bids again, im totally fed up talk=in 2 the council. Bet u r too. driving me nuts just to hear crap bk all the time. hope u are ok and coping well hope 2 speak to u soon.

josephjaidensmum · 29/01/2007 02:22

ps have u been checking the RECENT LETS LIST to see what date have been winning on propetys etc

ssd · 29/01/2007 07:38

scooby I'm just sending yousome support this morning, tjis situation sounds terrible, I hope you can get it sorted soon and see some light at the end of the tunnel

ssd x x x

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