Feel like am crashing back to earth

[AnxiousMunchkin]

I'm having a bit of a wobble. I just had a fab weekend and in General at the moment am super high functioning, micro planning everything, up at 5.30am and not going to bed till after midnight, I've colour coded my diary & calendar, written household lists and routines so everything is super organised and perfect, I've restarted exercise, eating healthily. Getting my nails done every 2 weeks. Sticking to my elaborate skincare routine. Able to accept any obsessive/compulsive thoughts that came along, they weren't 'disordered', I could just slot them in and accommodate them. Just had a great weekend with a friend went to a gig, meals out, drinks, shopping, spa pampering. Forgot to take my meds for a few nights.

Today feels like a massive crash. Everything at work feels like it's mega stressful and going wrong. And somehow I seem to have run up an overdraft of nearly £1k I didn't know about. When I thought about it I guess I have been really spendy recently, but when I first saw that amount I genuinely couldn't work out where it had gone.

I don't know why I'm posting really but just now feeling so low and numb, just want to sleep but mind is racing all over the place. I poured myself a massive glass of wine but then felt sick just looking at it and poured it away. I thought I was doing really well. Perhaps I was doing too well and am 'more bipolar' that I realised :(

I have therapy on Thurs, CBT for anxiety & obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I don't have a diagnosis of bipolar but my GP suspects I would be diagnosable, I have decline further referral cos I thought there wasn't any point. No plans to see GP for months though and I actually have to change GP because am moving. I don't know if I actually need more help. This is session 3 with my new high-level CBT practicioner. She's lovely and I thoightt therapy was going well so far, although still in the assessment stages.

Just feel reqlly confused. Don't know what to think or do.

There certainly seems to be elements of bi-polar there with the sudden overdraft and 'up' feeling followed by a crash

Is it worth following up on the possible diagnosis?

Yes Costa that was exactly what I was thinking. Look OP just reading about your recent activities made me tired (mind I am old!) but seriously you do sound like you've been on a high. It could be that you're just exhausted from all the frenetic activity recently. I'm not sure what you mean when you say your GP says you "could be diagnosable as bipolar" - that sounds odd. I think you need a diagnosis and treatment plan from a Consultant Psychiatrist as GPs can usually only diagnose depression/anxiety.

I think you do need more help because bipolar (if indeed that's what you have) can be managed quite well with the right medication. You can see a GP in a new practice and you'd have to do that anyway wouldn't you as you're moving. Talk to your therapist on Thursday and hopefully she will have some useful advice. In the meantime, get as much rest as you can and keep off the booze!

Is there a way to help you not forget your meds?e.g. a little set of boxes with meds for each day of the week? How old is your ds? DO you have any support for him when you are feeling down? You mentioned a person who works with you , can she sort out support for your son too?

I do have a pill box. Lately I'd seemed to decide I didn't need it though. I had an elaborate routine of about 10 supplements I take on top of the prescribed meds.

I took something to help me sleep last night. This morning still feel just empty and like my brain is stuck between gears.

Basically my current GP and I have got to know each other quite well and discussed whether it was worth going for referral or not. Psychiatric diagnoses are only ever opinions. There's not a definitive test for bipolar, OCD, GAD etc and even the criteria of these disorders themselves are opinions, not measurable criteria. It's all a spectrum of human behaviour. I wanted to focus on function, rather than labelling, I couldn't see what a very long wait to see a psychiatrist who doesn't know me would actually do. I can read the DSM-IV as well as anyone.

Support for your son?

amarmai, where on earth have you got the idea that I have a son from? You must be confused or posting in the wrong thread. Even if I did have a son, your last post would not be massively helpful.

Def got mixed threads.So sorry. Hope you get back on track with meds.

Sorry I was grumpy last night. I feel so tired. I feel like crying this morning for no reason.

If you have been high, the chances are that you're now experiencing the crash. I would say that's a reason for seeking a referral: highs are awful, destructive things. It may feel like life is great and you're doing really well--until reality hits and find you've spent all your money, destroyed relationships, lost your job......the dangers of mania go on and on. Plus, it's often a case of the higher you fly, the harder you fall.

While some people can manage with meds, if takes a hell of a lot of self-management and awareness that comes with time. Medication can help to give you a chance to balance things a bit more--but only a psychiatrist will diagnose and prescribe for bipolar.

A psych referral may also enable toy to get a CPN (community psych nurse)--good ones are worth their weight in gold.

Sorry for a jumbled post--not feeling my best at the moment.

That's ok thanks meme

Today I mostly just feel very very tired and drained, even though I haven't done much. Work was thankfully quiet so I had time to be slow and precise about things. Goodness knows how id have coped if it had been busy today.

Trying to be kind to myself. Just feel so overwhelmingly negative though and like I just don't know who I really am.

I just don't think I'm serious enough to bother a psychiatrist. I can bumble along, I have a good job and somehow manage to generally do ok at it, I love the structure and routine of it and find a lot of security in that, I earn a decent amount so debts will eventually sort themselved out. I have an extraordinarily understanding and supportive partner. I just don't know.

CBT session tomorrow. I feel kinda like a failure, I'm supposed to be working on particular anxiety triggers and thought/behaviour patterns and I've just crashed and burned these past few days and just feel like I can't remember and haven't done the homework right.