life is like a broken pencil today...

[feckindramaqueen]

... pointless.

am clearly not cut out for being a parent afterall. cant think of a thing i likle about myself; in fact, i despise it all... theres a thin veneer of 'coping' or realively 'normal' on top... usually anyway, but even thats not there today.

cant handle the constant stabs of misery and self loathing as i fail to hide my misery and snap at my children, my sweet innocent, yet to be royally f*cked-up children... no idea why im posting this, not like ill do anything useful like... well advice can only be, go to doc, get ad's that sort of thing. i know what i have to do. i have to get help. but i well i have to . alternative not good. alternative is to run away and be a drunken bum since im too chickenshit to kill myself or anything.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Why do you think your not cut out to be a parent? How long have you felt like this? Since you know about seeing GP and that, I won't tell you Anything happened today to make you feel like this, or, is it just "one of those days" ? xXx

And your posting name is silly - you are not a "drama queen" for feeling depressed! Would you feel a drama queen if you had a physical illness and felt bad today because of it? xXx

one of those days.
and my counsellor prtty much told me i invented my 'depression' as a convoluted way to get love. so all this misery for all these years... and its all just a pathetic attention seeking load of crap. is there anything thats real about me? do i know anything at all about who i am? fecking clueless.

fdq - i felt like this soooo many times.
i gets better when you get help. it really does.
how old are your kids?

oh quoots, forgot to say ta for the hug. appreciated.

1, 2, 3

that coucillor is SHIT.
your feelings are valid. don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

here comes dp. off to go pull myself together for a bit. on top at least.

Don't believe your counsellor - i've been told various things by various "professionals" and at the end of the day, it is one persons opinion. On days like you are having, I find doing just small little things help... do something that will make you feel abit better, if there is something. Just for a short "fix" I guess. What do you hate about yourself? Nearly anything you might hate can be changed... I know I beat myself up about not doing X, Y or Z... so I just try my hardest to do one of those things... this probably isn't making much sense, but hopefully you get the drift? {{hugs}}

It's not possible to 'invent' depression. There are many, many reasons for being depressed and it is not always obvious which is why we go to counsellors to help us work it out. Agree your counsellor is shit. Get back to gp and tell him this therapy isn't working for you and you need another type and/or person. You are perfectly entitled to do this.

When I have really bad days I go right back to basics. If dcs are fed, clothed then stick them in front of dvd, get them to bed later and that is all you have do for now - job done. Don't stress the big stuff right now, take the pressure off as much as you can.

FDQ - how are you feeling?