I am a terrible person

[darksideofthemooncup]

I am. I am drowning in debt due to overspending on shit I don't need, I drink way too much, smoke too much, eat too much, spend too much and repeat all of this over and over again. My Dd deserves so much better than this.
I feel like I am watching myself unravel and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I don't want to go back on ADs but I can't continue to live with this level of anxiety. I don't really know why I'm posting

Do you have a mental illness? Maybe tell us more about that which could account for some of the excesses you mention. Do you sometimes post under another name - just wondered.

You are NOT a terrible person. What you describe is someone who needs a budget, a debt repayment schedule, and to cut back on their drinking. Make sure you're getting enough water, and sleep. There's a dry June thread I'm watching atm. You could lurk there for inspiration. Also you could switch to rolls up for a bit, way cheaper (pound shop for papers and filter tips). Rolly machines are usually crap, too loose or don't stick right. It's easy once you get the knack.

Do you have anxiety, and the debt is wrecking your nerves? It's okay. Honestly, it'll be fine. Are you paying lot's of interest?

So you feel out of control. Your anxiety is high and things are spiralling. Why would you not go back on AD's? There is a chance they would help you gain more control and begin to deal with what's happening! Your financial situation can be sorted out. It's not hopeless and your not a bad person. You sound not well!

As a reluctant AD taker I do understand but I now know these feelings were the illness talking. Im on the lowest dose and they've really helped. I'm a much more stable person and they've given me the capacity to begin to face my issues. They take none of it away but they do stabilise me and I have the energy to manage my depression and anxiety instead of being overwhelmed by it.

They are not a cure but they have helped me.

They've also helped me stop drinking! Alcohol for me is the worst drug and it causes me huge peaks in my anxiety and depression.

You're not a terrible person. You're someone who's struggling and needs help. Please don't feel shame about that. I had terrible anxiety and resisted ADs for months. I can honestly say that "giving in" and starting them helped me turn my life around. But you are not a terrible person, your illness just makes you feel that way.

Thanks for your replies. I have had a largely sleepless night and I am all over the place. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about 4 years ago and was on vital loran up until about a year ago. I was doing fine up until a couple of months ago and now it feels like I am sabotaging everything.
I am going to stop drinking as it triggers it so badly. I just feel like this is all my own fault

Citalopram not viral loan

Yes do stop drinking for a bit. Alcohol is a depresant and often brings a low mood much lower

How are you feeling today? Have you done anything nice or fun? (walked dog, lay in bed listening to the rain, played with kids, had a bit of bater at work). Try to focus on the positives, even the very small ones. I know that sounds cheesey and Polyanna like, but it does help.

a bit of banter not bater* Although that might make you happy too