There are good days. Then there's days like this..

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

I feel guilty saying it. I'm married to an amazing guy, have lovely dc's, a nice house, a secure job and close family around me. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am. But I don't think I can ever be truly happy.
I think I feel happiness but it's just what I think is happy. And even then it's only brief.
When I look back at the past I feel happiness but I remember that I didn't feel it at that moment in time. I only feel how it should have felt afterwards.

Id rather be at home but do take the dc's out every day. When they were babies I didn't do baby groups etc, I isolated myself. Ive tried to make an effort at school but I just dont seem to have it in me. No one seems to like me. I'm useless. I probably wouldn't bother with me either.

If it wasn't for the good things in my life god knows where I would be. I let the days pass by, enjoying the little bits of happiness I feel. This is not what life should be like.
I devote my life to making the dc's happy. Making sure they have a chilhood as happy as mine. I have no friends anymore so they are my world. They're all I have going on.
I used to be outgoing, sociable, popular and happy. A distant memory now

I don't want to speak to anyone in real life about this. I keep hoping it will pass. Just wondering if anyone has been here and got through it.

No one?

Never feel guilty for admitting there is a problem, it takes guts to do that.

We change throughout our lives so maybe you are just not in a 'life and soul of the party' phase at present. Carry on enjoying the little bits of happiness and you will get through to better times.

Remember, being a parent is the toughest and most important job you will ever do and your DC's will have many good memories of their childhood because of you.

If you feel you need help then get along to the Doctor's and ask.

Hi lemondrizzle,

I just wanted to post and say it sounds like you're doing a great job alongside how your feeling.

And that I can definitely relate to how you do feel. Over the past three years I have gone through the same feelings as you have. I've had counselling, cbt and antidepressants for numerous periods throughout this time. And I'd just like to let you know that it does pass.

Like you I thought I'd only see the happiness for short bursts in my life. I isolated myself a lot. I too waited for the feeling to pass which it never did- one day it all just hit me and I broke down.

I then sought help from my gp who referred me for cbt. I've had two twelve week courses over the past 18 months and I can honestly say through simple exercises and just being able to speak to someone who doesn't know me fully but has gave me a difference perspective on things has massively helped.

I've recently undergone a big operation which has been very painful. It's opened my eyes alot and the people whom have visited me and wished me well has truly given me pure happiness.

One of the things I have done is surround myself with positive peopke.

If you feel like talking then don't be scared to private message me. I can certainly relate and talking does help.

xxxx

Thanks. I worry it may rub off on them although throughout the years I've managed to conceal my feelings and appear happy to everyone. Deep down I'm sad and lonely.
I need some friends but I think the ships sailed. The dc's have been in school years and while I get on with people. They don't consider me a friend. I think I'm a good friend I'd bend over backwards for anyone. This has been my downfall in the past. I think it is a need to be liked and accepted.
I seem to be incapable to making friends now. It came so easily when I was a teenager. But all those friends have moved on.