Is this worth seeing a doctor?

[WhyASpoon]

Just after some help really. I've been feeling really low recently and am just wondering whether it's worth bothering a GP about. As background, my husband left me weeks after our third child was born after a fair few months of build-up and uncertainty; we are now divorced and have a very good co-parenting relationship, and I have been fine ever since but on the look out for it catching up with me (family and personal history of depression). So I don't know whether I'm reading more into it than there is because I'm aware of the possibility, or whether I'm just tired/hormonal etc.

Here's some of what I've been feeling:

*Low, and very very tired (my children don't sleep well but it's been better recently than it has been in the past so no reason why I should be feeling more tired than I was then)

*very irritable - my fuse is very short

*find it difficult to actually relax and have fun with the children. I always feel like there's something that needs doing so I rarely kick back and laugh with them.

*feel like crying - even over tiny things like when the toddler grabs my legs because she's tiny and just wants a cuddle - but I feel like this is too much to cope with and I want to cry.

*can't cry. I'm not a crier anyway particularly, but however much I want to it just doesn't come out.

*rejection over silly things - a friend cancelled supper plans today and didn't answer text messages: even though I knew IWBU my mind kept telling me that it was because she didn't want to spend time with me. (She's actually lost her phone and has no idea I was getting all paranoid). Same with my mother not answering the phone today. And same with meeting some prospective university colleagues yesterday: I felt totally that I would not be accepted (I'm 20 years older) and liked. I feel like I have slipped back to ancient convictions that people only spent time with me because they felt they had to and not because they actually wanted to.

*just like I can't really keep coping tbh.

I've not said anything to anyone because it all feels very overdramatic and I sound silly saying anything aloud, and also because since XH left I've been told so much how well I've coped and dealt with everything and I don't really want to admit that actually I may well not be - and it's over 2 years later so I should have got over it all by now anyway.

Sorry about the essay. Feels good to get it down, even though I have no idea what to do about it. It may pass, yes? When I get some sleep....

anyone?

Firstly I am sorry that you are having such a hard time . I am going through similar symptoms and have been pondering the same question and didn't want to read and run.

Hopefully someone wiser than me will be along shortly, but I'd say worth a chat with your GP. I am sure they would not see it as a waste of their time at all.

Have you come across Matt Haig's Reasons to Stay Alive book? I am finally reading it, having studiously ignored it every time I saw it in a bookshop. Am finding it very comforting.

Thank you Atlantic - I am sorry to hear you are also feeling this. I'll check out that book. As I said, it just sounds so melodramatic when I say anything which is part of the reason I've delayed going to the GP...

Reading that I'd say yes, go and chat with the gp. Ts not surprising you're finding things tough right now but a few things stood out for me; the irritability, finding it hard to relax/enjoy things and the rejection issues are all early warnings for me that I'm slipping into depression again.

I don't think you'd be wasting their time if you went and said you were feeling this way.

I'm sorry you're feeling low, it's shit, especially with small children (I've done depression with and without kids, it's much harder with children)

I don't think you're being over dramatic.

It all sounds like rational responses to what you have been through as well as to life with small children. Rational - but also not the way life should be, it can and will be happier

Yes to GP however I would warn against medication. Imo medication should be a last resort only and it seems from your OP that how you feel is a reaction to your marriage break up and the hecticness of life. I would suggest some counselling.

GP may be able to refer you but depending on your area counselling can be hard to come by. Local counseling centre and charities like Mind often offer counselling at a reduced cost.

Also look up self help for depression - things like taking up a hobby, keeping a journal, exercise, good sleep habits, healthy eating, talking to people you trust, etc really help.

Hth. Sorry you're having such a hard time

I'm sure people with more experience in your situation will have more to offer, but I just wanted to say two - actually, three - things struck me about your post:

1. just because you're human, doesn't also mean you're not doing well. It's not a question of picking which version of you to be, the coping brilliantly Spoon or the falling apart Spoon. (ref complements from others and the tendency some of us have to play to expectations)
2. There's no time limit on depression. Perfectly possible to be reacting to events two years later. I've done this myself and was amazed by how strong and late it was. Possibly now your youngest isn't teeny anymore your mummy defences think it's safer to surface some of this stuff, who knows.
3. I don't know how old you are, but you've also described peri-menopause symptoms to a T. Before going to see a doc, worth considering this a bit, and listing any other symptoms. No use getting treated for one thing if it's actually the other, and peri is notorious for being misdiagnosed as depression. If you think this is a possibility, ask to be tested for both.

But yes, I'd say worth a chat. Good luck, OP.

Thank you so much for these helpful comments. As much as anything, it's nice to know I'm not being a drama queen. I think the medication thing is another reason I've been reluctant to go - I avoid medication as much as I can. I have used St John's Wort in the past, which helped, and might perhaps be an option. I'll look around locally for counselling as well - there may be something within my affordability.

Funnily enough, Extra, although I don't think I'm perimenopausal (I'm late 30s, and my mother - whose timings I have followed exactly so far - was well into her 50s before menopause), I am seeing the dr tomorrow for further investigation into potential endometriosis or other abdominal issues. So if there is something hormonal in play that might explain it?

Thank you again for your replies.

And thank you for the flowers too...always appreciated!

OP - Will going to the GPs make you feel worse? - No.

Will going to the GPs make you feel better? - Possibly

There's your answer

Yeah. Can't argue with that, I suppose...!