please hold my hand

[alwaysinamuddle]

I don't know where to turn so I've come here.
I have a history of suicide attempts due to poor mental health (linked to childhood and teenage trauma).
I can feel myself slipping, and I have no one I can turn to.
Ex-P has been badgering me non stop since I went NC, telling me he knows it's only a matter of time before I try it again, or I end up attacked again if I try to go and meet someone.
I'm scared of myself right now.
I've sent DS to his paternal nans for the night so he's not here to see me in a state.

What do I do?

I should explain the "attacked again".
After my last break up (5 years ago), I went on a bit of a boozy night out and ended up being sexually assaulted, which after previous childhood abuse has put a great deal of fear into me about meeting new people, and it was always Ex-P go to if he wanted to stop me going out while we were together.

I don't really know what to say... It's so hard when there's no-one to turn to, isn't it? Just wanted you to know someone has read this and cares, and understands a bit.

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself? Baths, hot choc, lots of snuggly blankets can be nice. Just remember to talk kindly to yourself, like you would if it was someone else in pain like this.

It's horrible isn't it but it will get better. Had a rough week too but I'm trying to recal last week when it was better x

How are you, OP?