having a rough few days, need to vent and maybe cry

[lissielou]

since having ds 20m ago ive not been right at all. i hate the fact that i cant focus or concentrate anymore. i hate the fact that im not the same fiesty, bubbly person i was. and i hate myself for having this malfunctioning body that cant even get the basics right. weve had 3mc in the past 15m and have been ttc since march 06, i cant believe that im failing at this too. thought that i might be pg this month, but got bfn and just know deep down that im not. feeling sad and grey and alone. just need to vent

really sorry to hear that things aren't going your way at the moment lissielou and wish there was some profound words I could post to make you feel immediately better.
Do you get any time in your life to chill out and do some of the things that you did before DS?
I only ask because when i got blue after having my DS a few years ago I found that it really helped me to clear my head and to start feeling good about myself again when I took some 'me' time.

i dont really. hes v clingy atm and dh is trying his hardest but....

i was diagnosed with pnd when he was 2m but its been 18m now! surely i should feel better now?

You're going through this huge emotional rollercoaster each month (which I can relate to as it took me 19 months to conceive) and everything seems to be based around trying to get pregnant - it's so hard. Plus you've got one to look after and life has to carry on as 'normal' somehow.

Lots of sympathy - have you seen your GP re: your depression - got medication, or maybe it's time to try something else if you have?

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way honey. It's shit sometimes isn't it. Mckenzie has a point about me time though. When it gets too much for me DS is DP's responsibility and I lock myself in the bathroom with a bubble bath, candles, ipod and of course a bottle of wine and ignore everything else. Sounds awful but even if I hear DS screaming I try to 'not' hear it. my time.

And sweetie you are not failing at ttc!! I know how it feels to miscarry. No mother ever fails!! Your time will come again when you've given yourself a chance to relax and enjoy the life you have now with you and your bubba.

Sorry that went on for a while. XXXX

N

ive been on a steadily rising dose of sertraline ever since i was diagnosed. the 1 im on seemed to work for a few m and i see a counsellor twice a week, but it feels like when i talk about ttc/pnd people judge me for ttc with pnd. am i making sense? i know that tomorrow i may feel ok but at the mo, i cant see it.

Don't measure yourself against other people lissielou - it's YOUR life hun, not anyone else's. TBH, the thought of having 2 LO in nappies was way beyond my scope for coping so you are a step ahead of me there anyway!

Coping is a bit of a myth. I run the local toddler group and on our last night out i had mums saying they didn't know how I coped etc (3 dds - 3, 7 and 11 plus dog and DH who works abroad lots, sometimes for months at a time). Of course all they see IS the coping, what noone sees is when i shut myself in the downstairs loo sobbing, just to get away from them and because its all too much to deal with sometimes.

What I am trying to say is that coping comes and goes - some people are lucky and things ie: life, comes easy for them. But most of us are just hanging on in there.

Can you change your medication if you feel it isn't working for you? How about getting out and meeting other mums - its good for your LO to meet other LOs too...

Lissielou hi honey.If you want to CAT me at anytime you can.I understand where you are right now and am here if there's anything I can do.A big,big hug coming your way.x

i know, i was part of a pnd group but they all got better. my ads work most of the time. its days like this when i cant remember what its like to feel ok iykwim.

thank you. ive been ok for a while now, i think im just having a bad few days

Got to go to bed now, but hope you feel a little better tomorrow lissielou.

x

Lissielou, I really feel for you honey, I'm pretty much where you are too. Have PND, but have been TTC for about 6 months. Haven't told anyone am TTC, because, like you I think they'd judge. You are not wallowing, and you are not failing at anything, you are raising a child, that's got to be the hardest job in the world. You are still the same person deep down, you always will be, but life changes how we see things sometimes. I wish I had some wise words for you, but I'm afraid I'm struggling too, just wanted to let you know you're not alone, it's a shit place to be, but we will get through it, just need lots of time and TLC. Big hugs x

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feel a tiny bit better today so far. think ill have anice relaxing day today.

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Glad you feel a bit better today - hope you've managed to make it a relaxing one too (so far!)

lisielou - really feel for you. really know about the bfn and mc. have been in same position. I know its really hard, but can you take a break somewhere in your day - just to go and see a film (how about the Holiday...), jsut somethin small to escape to jsut to ease your mind a little.

hugs xxx

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today. Like the last post, I recommend getting some time out whenever you can. Eevn a bit of retail therapy or swimming on your own for an hour will help I'm sure. What about your dh/dp? Do the 2 of you still get to spend some time together without your lo? Can someone babysit while you go for a meal or to the cinema every once in a while.

My dd is 1 and I can understand how you are feeling. I found it important to still try and take time to be 'me' - i.e before dd came along! Make time to be Lissie and not just mum or wife.

You're not failing at ttc - it will happen for you (took me 18 months) - and it will happen easier if you try to take time for you, relax and don't worry about it.

I wish you lots of luck and >