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Mental health

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Original poster

I feel alone

13 replies

angmarie · 16/01/2007 09:35

Over this last couple of months I feel like I am losing all my friends , my 2 closests friends when i ask them to do things they always seem to have excuses why they cant do things with me and I really dont know why , it is really getting to me . I know I have put weight on but not that much that they could be embarassed to be seen with me . One of my friends we used to lots of things at weekknds as families and that has all gone out of the window we havnt done anything for a couple of years now as 2 families and that upsets my daughter.

It is really upsetting me and making me feel very lonely

OP posts:

3rdTriMossTer · 16/01/2007 09:50

Angmarie do they live close by? Are your DCs of a similar age?

Original poster

angmarie · 16/01/2007 10:41

yes to both

OP posts:

3rdTriMossTer · 16/01/2007 10:52

Have you raised it with them at all?

What sort of excuses do they give, is there any chance they could be genuine?

Original poster

angmarie · 16/01/2007 11:03

for example 1 friend we always used to do family things together then last august we were going camping for the weekend and we asked them to come and they said they couldnt as husband was working we then found out that they had gone away with another couple
They just always seem to have things one when I ask them to do something maybe it is just me being paranoid .
The other friend always ssays she is skint but I know she goes out with other people so I suggest coming round to my house for a meal then it wouldnt cost money and she just avoids the question and doesnt answer me

No I havnt raised it with them

OP posts:

3rdTriMossTer · 16/01/2007 11:22

It does seem a little strange but if you are feeling depressed in yourself, sometimes it can make you suspect other people's motives more than you usually would.

My dh suffered from depression some time ago, perfectly normal things I would do he would take as a slight against him.

However I would deffo raise it with them. It may be absolutely nothing, but you don't know until you ask; perhaps their circumstances have changed, or is there even a small chance you've upset them?

Make sure that when you do ask them you do it in a really calm and measured way. It's so easy when you're upset and depressed to get really upset and start calling people for all sorts.

When did all this start or was it a gradual thing?

Original poster

angmarie · 16/01/2007 14:19

it has been gradual , i just dont understand why but it is urting my daughter as well

OP posts:

3rdTriMossTer · 16/01/2007 14:24

Angmarie I would bite the bullet and ask why.

At the same time as you're doing this though I'd look to see if you can make other friends, how old is your dd?

Tortington · 16/01/2007 14:26

maybe the people you are calling friends are just fucking awful people.

seriously - go join a class, weightwatcher, dancing, french, whaever.

Original poster

angmarie · 16/01/2007 15:32

BECAUSE OF THE WAY THEY ARE TREATING ME MY CONFIDENCE HADS GONE BECAUSE i THINK IT IS MY FAULT AND i MUST BE A BAD PERSON

OP posts:

3rdTriMossTer · 16/01/2007 15:37

Angmarie on one side I'd ask them what's happened. It could simply be that they are a bit selfish and have made friends with people who share more interests with them. People do change and sometimes the people you were friends with years ago drift apart from you as a result.

But on the other side, Custardo is right, is there a club or something you could join? If your dd is of a certain age you might be able to go to a mothers and toddlers club, or maybe if she is at school you could get involved with parent governers or something along that line?

Do you have a job outside home? If so do you get on with any of your colleagues?

Original poster

angmarie · 16/01/2007 15:41

I work for myseld i have my own business , my children are 7 and 2

OP posts:

3rdTriMossTer · 16/01/2007 15:56

Angmarie,

I am sure it won't be your fault; I think if you had genuinely done something to upset them, you would know about it, either they would have told you or it would have happened suddenly that they stopped talking to you.

But imo you should ask them if there is something you've done, more to put your mind at rest than anything else though.

Do you have many neighbours? Could you make friends with any of them?

Or you could look on Netmums it's not really like MN, it's for finding other local Mums in your area.

karabiner · 16/01/2007 20:17

angmarie - i really feel for you, I've been in this position too - well to be honest feel like I am now with a particular friend. I know so well how it can really dent your confidence.

If you can, it would be good to mention it, but I have to say I couldnt mention it cos of lack of confidence - you really have to pick your moment and the right approach.

Alternatively you could send them a letter which explains a little how you feel.

Please dont feel you're a bad person. I always tell keep telling that to myself in this situation - you may not believe it but its a lot better and nicer to yourself than feeling you're 'bad'.

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