Should I see GP about possible PND or stick it out for another few months?

[potatomama]

Some days are good but other days I feel like I just can't / don't want to do it any more. But that's normal for the first year - right? Today I told DH that I hate DS (10 months) but I'm not sure if I mean it or not. I don't think I love him though. I'm going back to work part time in July so maybe I'll feel better then. And maybe I'll feel better as DS gets older and more interesting anyway?
I know today has been a bad day, but I'm finding it hard to put things in perspective and see the bigger picture - is it PND or just 'normal' struggles with drudgery, needy baby, loss of previous life, etc?
I thought about throwing him down the stairs today but maybe I'm just not a baby person, I need to wait for the toddler stage. Or I'm selfish, impatient, etc. But feeling like a terrible person is part of PND? I wouldn't really throw him down the stairs.
But even if it is PND, what's the point of getting antidepressants or talking therapy if the problem will resolve itself in a few months anyway?

You are not a terrible person! We all have bad days, but please make an appointment, your struggles are real. Waiting for your feelings to go away isn't helping I hope you get the support you need.

Sounds like pnd to me. Please go and see your GP. I tried to shake it off but it just got worse. You need to get some input now before you spiral further down. Once you get help you will have time to bond better before you go back to work.

I'd go see your gp. You've articulated very clearly, and in my case I found actually saying the same things to a stranger (my gp) and having a constructive discussion about what, if anything, I wanted to change, really helpful. I had a couple of chats, and eventually took ad but I felt much more in control (it was an active decision if you know what I mean). I didn't see my GP until 7 months (at which point I'd been back at work 4 months) and in hindsight I wish I'd gone earlier just to chat through options.

Please see your gp. At least you know your trying to get help for yourself.
When my dd was born I felt I wasn't bonded with her but that changed after a few months but then I became obsessed that something bad would happen to her I don't know how but I covered it all up. I should have asked for help that's the worrying thing. I'm pregnant again now and this time I certainly will be speaking up if I act like that again xxx

Definitely make an appt with the GP, or speak with your HV if they are approachable and will listen.

Moods will vary after giving birth, but it's not 'typical' to have negative feelings towards your children to the extent of thinking about harming them (no judgement, I've been there).

I left it way too long to seek help after the birth of DC2 and ended up as an in-patient on a psych ward. You're missing out right now on the lovely bonding stages of having a baby, for both your benefits don't wait a few months to see if it improves.

I hope this doesn't come across overly negative, and hope you decide to seek advice from the GP.

I think you should see your GP. You sound like how I felt with DS1 and if I see the signs again in me with DS2 then I will go to the GP.

Well done for recognising it, that's a really positive step (I didn't until later).

You might find that going back to work does you the world of good but it is worth having a chat with the GP beforehand anyway.

Thanks all, I'm feeling a bit better today, but I think you're right. I just need to get the courage to make the call now.

Hi all,
Just thought I'd update as you were all so lovely to me last year

I felt too anxious and ashamed to seek help until August - turned out I was suffering anxiety AND depression. I did talking therapy and my depression is pretty much gone now. This is helped by DS being a proper toddler (I'm definitely not a baby person) and feeling valued at work.

If anyone else seeing this thread feels the way I did, please ask for help as soon as you feel able to. And it's ok to not really like babies, or to feel smothered by the 24/7 nature of mat leave. 'Enjoy every moment' is literally impossible, and in some ways, terrible advice.

Do get yourself some help. My first few weeks with dd were horrible because I had come off my meds while pregnant and had horrific depression. Next pregnancy, I stayed on meds, and bonded much more immediately with ds. If it is PND, it might well improve in a few months - but a few months is an incredibly long time if you are depressed. ADs can start working in two-three weeks (though a bit longer to have full effect)....Sending you best wishes.