How do you cope on a bad day? Fed up of feeling like this

[Thecatgotmytongue]

So, I'm a mess... I've been taking ADs on and off for over fifteen years, various ones. I recently tried a change, as I thought the ones I'd been taking a while were no longer working, but the new ones caused me to eat all the time (and I eat too much anyway), putting on half a stone in a week. I stopped taking them, but after a few days felt really low and went back to my old ADs.

I still feel rubbish. There seems no point to my day and I would rather sleep all day than cope with how I feel.

My relationship seems bound to fail. I comfort eat or eat out of boredom all the time. I can't work because I'm unreliable, likely to go to pieces at any moment and stay in bed. I have an illness phobia, so would stay away from work if someone was ill.

My health is bad at the moment, I'm in pain most of the time.

I'm worrying and stressed about everything. I don't receive jsa because I can't bear to sign on and be treated the way they treat people, plus I'm in no fit state to attend interviews or search for lots of jobs a day. My ESA was stopped when I failed my work capability assessment, I've put in for mandatory reconsideration, but they're taking their time and in the meantime I've no money.

My dp is very understanding, but can't be there for me all the time. Also sexually we are not clicking at all and it all feels so hopeless.

I want to curl up and sleep.

Please don't tell me to do mindfulness or exercise .. The pain I'm in prevents me doing exercise and I've no motivation for mindfulness.

My gp has referred me for counselling, but there is a long waiting list. All she does in the meantime is prescribe drugs. I asked her to refer me for psychiatric assessment because I'm worried about my extreme mood swings and paranoia, but she said I had to go to counseling first.

It's so bad, I wish I had the courage to end it all.

I've tried emailing the Samaritans, but their reply was a bit wishy washy and didn't help. I have a phobia of phones, so can't call to speak to anyone.

Has anyone been there and managed to recover?

Call your GP tomorrow and ask for a callback. You don't have to go. They can talk to you. Can you try to do that?

You cant cope now, but you will be able to cope soon. You need support, but you do have to tell someone real. Then they can take over and you can stop trying to do everything.

Sorry. Sunday tomorrow, ive lost six weeks to depression and i dont know what day it is. But im fighting and some small things that have happened in the last two days have buoyed me up.

Monday, call the gp. Tomorrow, take the day off from all of it. Promise yourself you'll call the gp Monday, and veg out tomorrow. No laundry, no anything. Make yourself a cup of tea and plan a sofa day. No other responsibilities?

I've tried telling my gp. She just gave me different ADs and told me to wait for counselling. I don't know what else to say to her. She clearly thinks I'm ok.

OP You will find your own way to do what's necessary. My way or anyone else's way isn't guaranteed to work for you. Take it slow and it will appear. Be patient with yourself.

I had no friends at all. Still don't really but I have my dogs and I prefer them to humans (don't tell the oh!) I get my social interaction by chatting to old folk in the shopping queues & topping up on places like this and that's more than enough for me. My mother also at the peak of my breakdown moved 300miles away which was extremely helpful (actually really was!) - it meant I had to work it out for myself and her "helpful" hints could be easily ignored. Isn't it funny how everyone thinks their way is best?

Work is the least of your worries right now. It can take a good few years to get to a stage where you might want to think about work. You're concentrating on what makes you feel good. For me it was art and so I took a wee art class. You might find there are art classes specifically for people with Mental health issues in your area or whatever it is you're interested in. It's terrifying at first but when you've been a few times and start to recognise people it gets easier. The first smile
from someone you didn't know but now recognise can make an amazing difference. See? It's all tiny wee steps. Putting too much pressure to recover fast won't bring about a long term recovery. Nice & slow.

Maybe trying to look after yourself is too much right now? Maybe you just need to remember to breathe first. I would go weeks (!) without washing my hair and wore a hat to hide the grease. I did change my knickers daily for fear of them upping and leaving the house themselves one night (long story!) but then I'd wear the same comfy smelly clothes on top.

Hating yourself is your mind trying to trick you to give in to the disease. You need to find one wee thing that you don't hate. It might be your middle toenail on your left foot but it's something to start with. Doing stupid things is also the disease but you can take back control a tiny wee bit at a time.

Do you have cpn support or a social worker? I know people speak badly of sw but they really can help you access support and services that can make your life easier. It's not all bad stuff.

Take care. You are a beautiful, wonderful and strong person. You just need to let yourself see that through the fog x

Thanks foo.

I have no support, my gp won't refer me, just prescribes ADs. I know I can't work at the moment, but I need some money to live off, to clothe my daughter and feed her.

I have my pets, but they're part of the stress right now. I feel guilty because I don't get out much to walk my dog.

Yes looking after myself is almost impossible. A shower seems like a huge achievement. As does washing clothes. I concentrate on my daughter's clothes, making sure she has clean clothes to wear at all times. That's difficult enough.

There is nothing I don't hate. I used to think I was kind, but now I've become bitter, jealous and impatient, intolerant, hurting those close to me. I can't seem to stop it happening and I hate myself for it.

Does anyone know how to get a cpn involved?

If you're being honest with your dr about how bad things are, write it down if you can't say it & they still don't think you're that bad ask to see a different dr. If meds aren't working tell them. Be blunt about it.
Just ask for a cpn and keep at them. Harass them. Ask them why not if they say no.

I'm not very good at asking for help. I guess I'm not making it clear to my gp how bad I feel. I've just changed surgeries because i didn't feel I could talk to any of the gps there, they never seemed to listen, so I'll see my new gp. I'd feel stupid handing them a note now though

big hand squeeze OP, it's shit isn't it? like wading through treacle I've been on ADs for a decade now and am usually very well, but am having a bad week this week so I feel your pain.

Do you have any hobbies? There's something very satisfying about doing something with your hands and it forces you out of your own head, if that makes sense! knitting, colouring, crochet, drawing, sewing, cross stitch, doing crosswords etc are all good. while of course these things don't cure depression they do distract me and makes me feel like I've achieved something and created something nice.

Thanks.

I bought an adult colouring book a while ago, but still struggle to start it. My only hobby is reading and I can't concentrate at the moment.

reading is hard when you're down isn't it? I find audio books easier when my concentration is buggered

I sometimes have to force myself to pick up an activity but I always feel a bit lifted afterwards, so it's worth pushing and doing just a little bit a day.

It sucks, I know. just keep swimming xx

Audio books are quite expensive though ...

Doesn't listening to audio books still require concentration? I'm not sure I could stick with it ..

It's finding the motivation to do it in the first place, isn't it? Do So difficult .. I'm up today because I couldn't sleep .. due to pain and restless pets. I'm incredibly tired and just want to go back to bed. How could I possibly work as required by the dwp?!