Can an unplanned/unwanted C-section cause PND?

[sanchez]

DS was born just over a year ago by c-section after a failed induction. I was completely unprepared for this - didn't even know an induction could fail! It was the absolute last thing I wanted, I had my birth plan, wanted everything natural, no drugs etc, and was distraught when told I had to have a section. I was obviously happy to have DS out safely, and at 42+ weeks the head still wasn't engaged, so he wasn't ever going to come out naturally. He came out screaming, and didn't stop until he was put on my chest almost an hour later, he's been much the same ever since, very clingy and very hard to leave. I've been suffering PND for a few months now, and can't pinpoint when or why it started, but can't stop thinking about the birth. I feel like such a failure for not being able to do it naturally, and I didn't ever even start to labour, so I feel like I haven't given birth, even though I have DS IYSWIM. I feel it was too traumatic for DS too, as he was obviously quite happy where he was, and I will never forget how distressed he sounded when he came out. I know most babies cry when they're born. Some think a section is an easy option, but physically my tummy still hurts when I do certain things, and psychologically it's tearing me apart. Told GP, HV and councellor how I feel about this, but they're so matter-of-fact about it, and think I'm being over-dramatic - maybe I am, but I feel like I let DS down and myself, and I keep going over all the other things in my life that I can't get right either. Would appreciate any advice on how to get past this - Lulumama, would be particularly interested to hear what you think if you're around, seem to remember reading on another thread that you've experienced something similar? TIA

interesting jabberwocky.. i have little memory of DS until he is about 3.......

do you know, if we are all here . talking about this. can you imagine how many more women have similar issues....

agree about birth crisis ..another excellent source of help

if you had a traumatic experience having any other medical procedure, esp anything gynae, and sought help afterwards, due to trauma, no-one would bat an eyelid

but because after a traumatic birth, you have your baby, that is supposed to make the pain go away ..because you should just be grateful the baby is ok

babies need well and happy mummies...and the healthcare system lets us down time and time again

same here. dont really remember anything. and when i look at photos of us it makes me want to cry. i look so empty, i used to be so vivacious and fiesty and sometimes i feel like lissie died on the operating table and was replaced by a paler version iykwim

i echo that Lissie,I really do...
I have said goodbye to a lot of past friendships as I cannot be that same pre ds person anymore.
We had our first & only break away to see friends in Devon last May.Friends of 15 years...I felt totally lost as if I was amongst strangers.
They talked to Dh about how aloof & what a misery I was.
Friends I have made since ds arrived are easier as they didn't know the eccentric bubbly me of 'before'
I am discovering my personality & humour again thanks to all you lovelies here on MN.x

Haven't read the whole thread, but I think pnd can be triggered by all sorts of things. Someone I knew was really sick during her pregnancy and had pnd which she thought was due to that, ie. she felt like a failure because she didn't have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I would imagine a C-section is pretty traumatic and more likely to cause pnd, but the alternative is likely to have been much worse...

Have you tried cranial osteopathy for ds? It is meant to help babies born by c-section...

theres 1 pic in particular that whenever im feeling low i look at coz i need reminding how ill i was and how much better i am now. i cancel my friends coz i cant bear the thought of them being disappointed in me, and i get panicky around too many people... its a terrifying illness

i love ds to bits and i know how lucky i am that we are both here and ok, but its not supposed to be this way.

every now and then i get flashes of the old lissie and i think thats what makes it harder iykwim

wow- these thread sound so familiar. my dd was born this summer by em-c section,after around 14 hours of labour. i was definitely disappointed to have come so close to delivering her naturally as i'd got so far and had been pushing for ages but dd was OP and head tilted so was basically stuck. she was in a bad way, apgar score of one and in scbu for a week - thats where my anxieties kick in - dont really know what happened those first few days of her life; the soctors and scbu staff were lovely but as someone has mentioned, should have been me holding her, cuddling her, changing nappies, choosing which babygrows she wore etc.

sanchez - sorry to wander from your OP , i hope you find some better support from the health professionals around you. hope also that you feel better by knowing others have/ are going through similar and we can support each other. good luck and let us know how things go.

People writing about loosing friends and not wanting to disappoint people ring true. I've drifted away from most of my friends since having DS, I suppose it can't be easy for them as PND has most definitely changed me, and maybe they simply don't like me anymore, but I would expect a true friend to provide support, not keep their distance. That's made me evaluate who my friends really are. DH keeps saying he wants the old me back..... but I have no idea where she is. It's like a part of you dies or is left behind in the op theatre.

I am in floods of tears reading this thread. My DS is 11 weeks old tomorrow and I really still don't feel like his mummy. he was an emergency c/section with g/a as I felt the surgeon cutting the second muscle layer. the first time I saw DS he was clean and dressed and being held by DP. This was after a 44 hour non-labour where my waters had gone and induction 24 hours after that had failed. i had also had 2 epidurals, one proper, 1 top up. DS was 3 weeks early, I had not done a birth plan and was a bit unprepared for it all

I really feel that I did not "have" my baby. I was given him, I wasn't his first cuddle and we did not get the skin to skin I so wanted. i have felt really down about this since he arrived (I can't even say born) my HV hasn't been terribly helpful - just the usual "well he's here and healthy, what are you moaning about" and I feel it is affection the way I feel about him. I love him dearly but... i know that the section was the best thing for both of us but i still feel cheated out of a birth.

I did not realise that so many others had similar feelings. i hope that on here, we can find the support we all need

Yes me too.MN is a miraculous place.
Thank goodness we all have each other x

I keep saying it makes me sad that so many other people are suffering, and it does, but I truly hope that by sharing our experiences we can give each other the strength and support we need to deal with this.

Podglet, I so feel for you. After my first em section I remember push ds1 down the road and just feeling completely able to feel or comprehend that he was my son. i would look at other mothers with their chilkdren and think "There's a mother there's her child, she is the mother, they are the child, he is my baby but he doesn't FEEl like mine" I so wanted to feel that connection with him. it actually came when he was about 4 months old and had stopped screaming so much. My section section section was an elective and that was even worse psycoloically because I really felt like I'd cheated. I hadn't given birth, he was taken out of me, dressed. cleaned. it was all very civilised, too civilised just so, so unreal. It took me years to begin to feel a connection with him.
When I had my first vbac I was euphoric. I felt like the most powerful woman on earth, felt like a proper woman. I had given birth, I had done it, it wasn't done for me.
I so totally understand how you are feeling. I really hope that you can beging to feel better at some point, but it might take some time. be patient

Sorry, really bad typos. I meant my second section

I really feel for you all. I was also induced and ended up having an emergency c-section. It wasn't ideal and I sometimes feel bad that I didn't let DS come out 'naturally' but I don't have PND. (DS is six months old so I guess it could kick in later?).

To be honest, I just went with the flow and chatted about the World Cup with the surgeons. I heard DS cry as they pulled him out, they cleaned him up quickly and laid him on my chest and it was the most incredible thing. We maintained eye contact and I talked for him for ten minutes or so before they took him away to be checked etc.

I was very emotional for about five months after the birth and cried every day about something - how beautiful DS is, some awful news story on the telly or something just silly. But I can't say I've had trouble bonding or anything. I'm so, so happy to have the little man in my life, I don't really mind how he arrived.

Anyway I really hope those who are depressed get help and get through these dark days quickly. Pregnancy and childbirth have a huge impact on our bodies and emotions. Go easy on yourselves. You're all great mums - there's no one better for your L-Os.

Hugs

Impy

sanchez, forgot to say, i definitely second having the chance to go through your labour notes with a midwife or doctor. i asked for this in hospital and went through them with the midwife who was there for the final 5 hours of my labour; it was really helpful to understand what had gone on and why i felt so out of control; in fact, i think without this I may have suffered from pnd; fortunately, i have been ok. good luck.

dh thinks im mad coz i keep shouting "thats it exactly" and he/i/we do that" i remember not being able to push noah for 3m and being out with lil sis and people would assume he was hers. i felt so isolated and ungrateful, there were times when i would have done anything for it to end. but gradually the colours beeen coming back. i still have v bad days but they are les frequent now, its so nice to be able to actually say the words instead of "im fine, just tired"

Night night sleep tight everyone

Sorry, got a bit emotional after I posted & went to bed. (Was 1am here in Oz)

I didn't get PND as such, baby blues more like. I still get times when I get sad & cry (like after posting & now) but it's usually not much & over fairly quickly.

I had someone tell me that the Pre-eclampsia was my fault as I hadn't eat very well during pg. I know it wasn't now, but at the time she said it, I thought maybe I was & having someone say your fears out loud floored me & I ended up cryng on & off for 2 days until my HV said there was nothing that could have stopped it.

It's hard reading all your stories, shed a few tears here & there. Like Lissie, you said you felt like the old you had died & left a lesser you...how sad.

I don't feel like I changed tbh. But a so called friend said I had, but she meant in the respect that I didn't want to go drinking/nightclubbing anymore (she was quite a way form me & it was always me who went to her, which involved a stay over, which I didn't want to do now I had dd) But I thought that was a natural change. I just wanted to be with my dd.

Three years down the line & I can bear now to look at my scar (didn't look at it for 6 months, couldn't see myself undressed in the mirror) quite easily now. Am proud of it infact....Our (mine & dd's) battlescar, if you like.

I hope you all manage to come to terms with what we went thru. I know I am lucky not to have suffered so much as some of you. Sanchez, I hope you find our stories helpful, knowing you are not alone. I hope you find the help & support you need x