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Mental health

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Original poster

Health anxiety back full force, can barely function

19 replies

Kaylasmum49 · 14/05/2016 09:39

I suffer from health anxiety but have been doing fairly well for the past 5 years after having cbt.

Now I am in HA hell and am struggling massively every day. My 12 yo dd told me a couple of weeks ago that she has been having episodes of double vision. Of course me being me I started to google, now all I have in my head is brain tumour!! My dd has since been for an eye test which came out fine 20/20 vision, the optician did'nt refer her on so I kinda calmed down a little. But the double vision is continuing, not all the time and not on every object that my dd looks at.

I took her to the gp on Thursday, who looked a little perplexed when I told him. He did some visual checks on her which were fine then he said he will refer her to the eye specialist at the hospital. This caused huge anxiety in me, almost to the verge of a full on panic attack. I spoke to the gp on my own and told him I was worried that she has a brain tumour, he said he doesn't think it is, but still I torment myself with horrific thoughts. The gp signed me off work for two weeks and prescribed me diazepam. I have hardly eaten in 2 weeks and have lost around half a stone. I'm struggling just to do the simplest things. Every time my daughter tells me she's seeing double the fear hits me and my arms go numb.

I'm just so so scared.

OP posts:

outputgap · 14/05/2016 10:07

Can you do your CBT exercises from before? Try to think of challenges to this idea that it is a brain tumour. I'll start:
Google is full of scare mongering shite;
the GP, who is a real, trained professional, thinks it is not;
weird things happen with sight that are harmless, eg I'm sure I've seen double when I'm really tired, a relative of mine starting seeing odd effects when driving, and
your dd is at a big period of change, at 12, and perhaps it's something to do with that.

And it's completely great that you know it's health anxiety. That is brilliant.

It's hard not to shit yourself when you're worried about your kids. But you're right to get help when it's so debilitating.

When is her appointment? Hopefully you don't have long before this is all over.

Puffinity · 14/05/2016 10:15

Hi! I get extreme anxiety too (though not about health generally. I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep reminding yourself of the facts, rather than focusing your feelings (CBT stuff). Also remember that anxiety will make you focus on the worst possible outcome and you will then convince yourself this is the only possible outcome - it is not! The GP has referred her, so she is getting the best possible care. It is also extremely important you look after yourself. Not eating will make your anxiety worse. Try to get into a routine and stick with it. And to you, I know exactly how it feels and it's really tough!

Puffinity · 14/05/2016 10:19

One more thing: please do not try to find reassurance online. Not only is Google full of scare stories, but you will simply never find something that reassures you, as the only thing that'll make you stop worrying is '12 year olds with double vision do not have a brain tumour', which you won't find. Instead, you'll most probably come across something else that will make you feel bad.

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 14/05/2016 10:22

Thanks to both of you,

I'm so worn out, scared, tired, ashamed!

I really am trying to put things in perspective but the fear just hits me, it almost paralyses me. The thoughts I'm having are scaring the life out of me. My dd is an amazing young lady, talented, loving, caring. I'm so scared I'm going to lose her.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 14/05/2016 10:24

Your Dd might have visual stress it took us years to get my dd diagnosed her vision is also perfect please try and not panic

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 14/05/2016 10:32

Mrsjayy,

What were your dd's symptoms?

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 14/05/2016 10:38

Double vision dizzyness words jumping about the white board at school she also couldnt see certain words on coloured paper she got coloured overlays then she got coloured lenses it is also called irlens syndrome

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 14/05/2016 11:10

Hi, it's mainly double vision, sometimes she gets an after image and she has noticed a white flash.

Would an optician be able to tell if it's a brain tumour? Is there always intracranial pressure if there is a brain tumour?

How the hell am I going to cope waiting for her eye appt

OP posts:

NanaNina · 14/05/2016 12:25

I can't add very much KM but please please stay away from google. It will make you a hundred times worse - I know, I've been there. I think if your DD had a brain tumour she would be having bad headaches and possibly vomiting. I used to get double vision some years ago and they put it down to migraine, which was right. There can be any number of reasons. I'm sure the optometrist would have referred her if necessary.

The other thing is - won't you be making your DD anxious if she sees you are anxious. Just a thought. Hang on in there - it will get sorted.

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 14/05/2016 12:50

Thank you NanaNina,

I really am trying to hide my anxiety from my dd. I was given diazepam by my gp but I don't want to become dependant on them.

The googling is like an obsession, I get a compulsion to google even though I know it will cause extreme anxiety.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 14/05/2016 12:52

Please try not to google i know its at your finger tips and so easy the eye appointment wont be to long

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 14/05/2016 18:14

I am trying not to google but it's not easy.

OP posts:

Puffinity · 14/05/2016 18:42

Hi! I know it's not easy... try to remind yourself that although it feels like it might alleviate your concerns, it will actually just make them worse, and considerably so. Your anxiety exists in and of itself, it's found your daughter's blurred vision as an outlet, something to focus on. Even if you were to find something online to reassure you about this, you are 99.99% certain to also find something else to worry about. Good luck - I've been/ am there!

NanaNina · 14/05/2016 19:03

I know exactly what you mean about googling. I've been there - quite a few times and I do it because I'm wanting to find something reassuring to stop me worrying, but that never happens. The problem with google is that it gives you too much info. The old "family doctor" type books only gave you a paragraph so there was less to worry about. On one occasion when I was mega anxious about my grand-daughter as a newborn (she was in SCBU) my DP actually took my laptop away and hid it because I was driving myself mad - just wouldn't stop. Maybe put yours on top of the wardrobe or the garden shed or somewhere it would be difficult to reach.

Puffinity is absolutely right in talking of your anxiety "finding" your daughter's eye problems as an outlet.

Glad you're trying to hide your anxiety from DD although if you two are close she will probably know! And take the diazepam - are they 2mg - I've been taking 2mg when needed (not that often) and I certainly haven't become dependent and they are good for extreme anxiety.

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 16/05/2016 10:22

Thank you puffinity and NanaNina,

It helps to have people who understand how I'm feeling. I'm trying to be careful with my googling but unfortunately I always come across something that triggers high anxiety. I'm a fool, I know. I really thought I had this beat but obviously not. I think HA will always be there in the background.

OP posts:

NanaNina · 16/05/2016 13:19

Hello there - I think very often these anxieties come from our childhood and follow us into adulthood. My mom was very loving but also anxious, especially about illness. Even when we fell over and scraped our knees she would get upset (I grew up in the 50s when we were out playing all the time) My dad suffered from stomach ulcers and she used to get so anxious about that. I am one of 4 girls and 2 of us get anxious about illness and the other 2 quite the reverse! Can you think of anything from your childhood where you "picked up" anxious feelings.

Puffinity · 16/05/2016 23:49

Hi! Glad it helped, if only a little! And you're not a fool! You're a wonderful person with an illness that flares up sometimes! Try not to see the HA as your defining characteristic, it's not!

Original poster

Kaylasmum49 · 17/05/2016 15:50

NanaNina, I think I have always had anxiety issues, I worried a lot as a child. My parents split up when I was about ten. My dad brought my sister and myself up. My mum died at the age of 45 of a stroke when I was 38 weeks pg with my dd. My dad had ms and near the end I was one of his carers.

I think my HA started when my dad died 12 years ago.

Puffinity, I feel so bad for my family when I'm going through a phase like this. I try hard to put on a happy face but it's so hard most of the time.

OP posts:

NanaNina · 19/05/2016 20:49

Oh Kaylasmum you've had a pretty rough ride as a child and adult and as you say you have probably always had anxiety issues.

How are you now? When is DD getting checked out?

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