To be honest, maybe this should in mental health or relationships but money is essentially the problem. Or how powerless I feel over our finances. Since meeting DH I gone on a constant roller coaster of having debt, paying it off, debt, paying it off, finally savings, all gone, savings back up to a really good point and now back in debt again to the tune of £5000.
I feel as if I have to give a disclaimer that I know that others have it worse and actually once the tax comes back in I will be able to pay it off - give it a few months. But it is the stress of having to manage it, having to work so hard (sometimes two jobs when things get really tough - and I am a teacher), having to micromanage every financial decision, not being to afford to eat lunch in the staff canteen while DH still smokes, then making stupid naive wrong decisions which means that it costs me more money that I don't have and has to go on the credit card, having to juggle six different bank accounts so that bills can be paid and still have money to buy food and put petrol in the car, having no adult equal to talk about finances only a sulking 40-year teenagers who acts like I'm a complete bitch for trying (very ineffectually) to get him to give up smoking, having no friends, no money to do stuff to meet friends.
I am not a negative person generally, but I can't cope anymore with the stress that all this causes. l am pretty good with money and deny myself a lot to get us back on track. But then the fucking car breaks down and the mechanics take me for mug. Just a self-pitying rant really. It's hard to deal with that all. I have effectively been in debt all my adult life and I want to be debt-free, but when the shit hits the fan in terms of money I have to bail us out with credit cards again.