Different depression?

[Goingtobeawesome]

Reading the thread discussing that Sally Brampton has died has made me think. I recognised the name but that's all really.

I was diagnosed with PND after my first baby was born. I think I took ante depressants but can't remember but I had PND after DCs 2&3 and had them then for sure. I also had AND with DC3.

I sometimes wonder if I am bi-polar. Sometimes I'll feel happy but immediately stop the feeling as it scares me. Happiness never lasts and if is the unknown and scares me. I remember having highs and lows as a teenager too.

My childhood was horrible. In care, parents didn't give a shit, abusive, constant moves.

I suppose what I want to know is is my depression due to my life or "just" chemical after having three babies in four years (plus two losses)?

I definitely felt depressed before I was officially diagnosed but how am I qualified to know if I really was.

This is so muddled but I guess so is my head.

Sorry you're feeling so low

Thank you.

I need space and it isn't happening.

You need support.
Have you tried medication? Spoken to a GP? Had CBT?
Could sure start help out with the kids?
You totally deserve to be awesome and happy.
It does sound BTW as if you need some help seeing what normal. You shouldn't be afraid of happiness.

I have tried meds but can't risk them again. Last time I got so fat and felt like I was living in a fog.

I haven't tried CBT but do have a book on it and think it would be something that would help me.

Thanks for answering 💐